I rant about something small

So I’ve pretty much been able to avoid this problem until now, but it's day seven so I’m going to tackle a subject that I’ve ranted about before. No, not cheap tasting chocolate or how I believe all chocolate from my childhood is somehow smaller. Not even wondering why it’s always the toffee left in the Roses tin never the creams (though that one does annoy me and keep me up at night). No, these are common complaints and by now surely you readers know there is nothing common about me.

On reflection that last line seems a bit pretentious, makes it sound like I believe I have blue blood running through my veins (the royal kind, not the cold kind. Though pretty much the same I guess #burn). No what I meant was that the things that annoy me usually don’t appear on a sane person's radar, probably goes to show how small my problems actually are. What annoys me is the repackaging of old products as new or different for holiday periods. We saw it for Halloween and once again we get it for Christmas.

At least the woollen design will keep them warm in these chilly times.

I’ve noticed the worst for this is probably Cadbury who have released a few cardboard tube share boxes. Now I know you’ve adopted that lovely woollen look for your packaging but it doesn’t make it new. The worst so far has been the tubes of Buttons and Fredo Faces I show you today. Neither is very good as share boxes go either. They contain individual bags of the sweets which isn’t exactly very share friendly. You’re more likely to have a bag to yourself than if they were loose in the tube. The Buttons are even just their usual mini bags; it just comes off as rather lazy.

Surely a better idea would be a big bag of them inside the tube that you could tip out into a bowl or something. Instead I would have to open each individual bag and pathetically fill the bowl in small quantities. Then you have the added disappointment that they are all the same flavour. One product does understand however, that’s the Terry chocolate Orange segsational boxes. These are great as there are all six different flavours of the orange without having to buy their bigger brother versions. Great, if like me you want to try all the different varieties but don’t want the guilt of six whole oranges to yourself.

Sample sizes are always welcome, all the taste non of the guilt!

Lastly we have Kinder bar minis, got to be a bit of a hypocrite on this one and say I actually like these. Firstly they are loose in the tube so you can just tip them out in an impressive sharing display. Plus they are rather new as you can’t get the Kinder bars in this size. Each piece is like a mini snack and you don’t get the problem with the larger bar that often feels sickly sweet and provide the unnecessary guilt trip. No, two blocks of gorgeous kinder white and milk chocolate is the right amount as far as I’m concerned.

Not quite sure where this post has gone really. The main idea is that often around this time of year we get the usual share boxes panic buy. A concept that should have been left to variety chocolates like Roses or Heroes, yet companies decided we needed the creation of tubes filled with the same product. This is just rather dull after you’ve had a few of the same tasting Dairy Milk button. Perhaps I’m the problem; I do get bored very quickly after all. I guess it does get rid of the problem I alluded to earlier when you go hunting for the Purple One only to find some bugger has nicked them all!

I'm guessing a Reindeer, but honestly could be a goat

Overall, whilst the idea of share boxes is great and all can we please ensure we respect the tradition of variety in these boxes. Cadburys shame on you!

Score (of effort put in)

Cadburys - 4 out of 11

Segsationals - 8 out of 11

Kinder - 6 out of 11

Found

Variety boxes are everywhere at the moment as are share boxes.

Final Thought

Wasn't really a review at all, more like a full on rant... sorry!

Problems with Pumpkins

Hey folks well as promised I'm here today to review what I consider  traditional American Autmnsweets. By this I mean stuff I've found that has a vague connection to this time of year as far as I know from over this side of the pond. In reality you guys probably won't agree but when I think of Americans pre-hibernation I think pumpkin and Turkey. I'm a sweet blog (not to mention sweet in general *wink, wink*) so this means I've gathered some products with added pumpkin.

The image of what would happen if sweets incorporated turkey flavouring. I think we can all give thanks that the candy companies haven't quite got to that stage. Although by the standards of recent Wonka bars that could well be round the corner. Today I have an example of pumpkinny goodnes (and therefore one of my five a day) in the form of poptarts Pumpkin limited edition. I also have some pumpkin m&m's which I recently received through my mailbox.

Love how they try to convince them as a healthy, a whole 6 vitamins!

Lets start, however, with something all Americans apparently consuming by the boat load this time of year Candy Corn. It seems weird to me that these are so popular because half the time I hear people complaining how dull they are. I have some of the traditional corn today but there will soon be a Candy Corn post as I have got my mits on a few specimens. I have tried candy corn m&m's and have been looking forward to seeing how authentic they are. The answer... not very, whilst the m&m's were very sickly sweet (though not in a bad way) these have very little flavour to them. With a slightly waxy texture they arn't bad, just bland. I can see why people complain these things can be dull. After all I still have a whole bag to chomp through.

After two or three, or you know ten more of these I started to get a bit of a scratchy feeling in my throat and a sugary upset in my tummy. Clearly this bag will last a while and I too felt the burden you guys must get every year. I think I definately prefer the m&m version although clearly a pittyfull representation of the genuine article.This leads me nicely onto the pumpkin spice m&m's and a reoccuring problem; lack of flavour. (It's like I plan these posts!)

Ohhhh Autumnal? Not really

Pumpkin is a troublesome flavour in general, it has a rather lack of it on its own and the spices that we put with it tend to overpower it. On the other side is the fact that the flavour it has when its going solo is rather earthy and unpleasant. Case in point with these m&m's They are pretty much all spice (literally) and no pumpkin. They just taste of all spice and chocolate really which is still really nice just not pumpkin as described.

A trait unfortunately shared withe the pop tarts, although in this case there is a sugary sweet taste initially that fades into a bare hint of sweet pumpkin. They are nice just not flavourful. The frosting too only serves really to add a nice crunchy topping. When I tried the filling alone I did detect a sweet earthy tone but very vague. Interestingly when I froze one tart to try (for I have to try one cold: pastry too doughy, one heated: the main way and one frozen. To ensure they get the proper trial they deserve.) I found the pumpkin flavour to be more apparent.

Still rather proud of this

Overall these three were ok if a bit disappointing. I find it odd that we have become so attached to such a tricky flavoured vegetable. Then I remember how awesome they look!

Score
Candy Corn- 4 out of 11
Pumpkin Pop-Tarts- 5 out of 11
Pumpkin spice m&m's- 8 out of 11

Found
Various online places.

Final Thoughts
I think I've picked up on a serious topic of debate here, Pumpkins whats your views guys?

Poisonous Scorpions

Can you guess what todays review is. Regular readers will know it’s likely to be Halloween themed due to myself made Halloween challenge. Essentially I have been grabbing any and all Halloween tat I can find to get into the festivities. Really regular readers will have their suspicions that its product two of the Marks and Spencer offer I took advantage of. Lastly all of you will be expecting me to be reviewing something sugary and sweet right? Well you’re DEAD wrong!

Yeah smart guys your wrong. Today’s review isn’t a sweet at all in fact it’s a savoury item. I hope I haven’t lost some of you there down to pure shock. Let’s face it with my readership I can hardly afford to lose anyone. Anyway so yes todays review is savoury but don’t worry it’s not healthy that would be a step too far even for me wouldn’t it?

Scorpions are exactly the focal point weirdly.

Today’s item is a bag of poisonous scorpions. No not one of those bush tucker trial things that come out whenever ‘I’m a Celebrity’ comes back on tele. (although I wouldn’t mind eating bugs, just once to try. Twice, if I like it perhaps.) Nope these are crisps in the shape of scorpions, hopefully the poisonous is just an adjective and Mark’s aren’t trying to diminish the population. Although let’s face it as a rather middle class store the way they would do it is through their offers, so they can kill off the ‘riff raff’ like me.

These are described as pickled onion flavoured corn snacks, so essentially monster munch. I do love monster munch especially the pickled onion flavour so when these were on offer I snatched them up with glee. It’s a bit of an odd one though why have they decided that scorpions that are poisonous would best suit pickled onion. Also why is the main picture a mummy instead of you know… a scorpion? Pedantic picking aside let’s move on.

I burst open the bag and I’m instantly met with a strong punch of onion, great sign. Let’s face it if I can’t get this smell out my house in a week it’s a sign they have done their job. Several of my housemates who I was going to offer them to recoiled at the smell. Pickled onion is one of those love it, or hate it things I guess. The smell is pretty damn pungent as one of my friends walked out the room!

The photo doesn't show off how weirdly greenish these are!

The scorpions are quite nicely molded although they are worryingly pale. Monster munch have a nice golden colour to them these are very pale almost like glow in the dark paint. At the thought of this I got excited and thought Mark’s put authentic scorpion detail in and they glow in the dark. Unfortunately when I turned off the lights all I got was confusion as to where my snacks were.

I popped one in my mouth and chewed it well. Unfortunately I was immediately disappointed. These aren’t like Monster Munch; nope these are like the cheap crisps we get in newsagents. I think they are called Space Invaders and cost about thirty pence. These taste exactly like them but were about seven times the price. Yes its’ a bigger bag but not seven times it. They taste rather stale and have nowhere near enough potency for me.

I guess if these things truly are poisonous they probably don’t have enough kick to knock me out let alone kill me. They are crunchy, which is something I guess. It indicates they aren’t past their best. No it suggests they never had a best in the first place!

Overall these are rather disappointing on pretty much every level apart from smell and toxicity. I should have just gone for Monster Munch after all they are practically Halloween themed all year round.

Score

4 out of 11

Found

Mark and Spencer's

Final Thoughts

 I need to get me some authentic Monster Munch as an anti-venom.

Fuzzy Monster Biscuit Bites Back

Ok so three mediocre to bad products is a bit of a bad run really isn’t it? Clearly these occultish treats have been sent to torment me. Or companies aren’t really that concerned with the standard of their products when dealing with a semi-popular holiday.

Either way I’ve decided it’s time to try a change of tact to break this bad spell. Today I thought I’m going to go for something fresher for review. The idea came to me as I finished work and bleary eyed I searched for caffeine. My search took me reluctantly to Gregg’s “the bakers”. I say reluctantly as I try not to go to Gregg’s usually, I’ve always thought of them as the McDonalds of bakeries. True their stuff looks tempting but fast and unhealthy is what I see behind the glamour.

However today was different as it was the nearest shop that sold takeaway coffees. Whilst there I took a look at their Halloween treats section, which kinda confirmed the usual Gregg’s suspicion. Yes all the monster themed cupcakes looked good but therein lay the point. They ALL looked good and ALL looked the same, I don’t think homemade food should or can look so uniform. That’s why I assume that most is made off site and perhaps “baked” (or warmed) in store. I’m sorry to anyone who is offended by this and if you know more about their baking policies feel free to comment. You may prove my assumptions wrong and I’ll happily become a Gregg’s regular.

 

It looks exactly the same as every other branch

Anyway the point is one of their lines was different, there in one of the baskets which I assume is meant to give the impression of a fresh bakery (sorry sticking to the review now.) This line was the monster biscuit you see in my photo, what made them different and stand out to me wasn’t however the design or the colours. No I saw that they had inconsistencies, some were off centred and slightly dog-eared. I t gave me hope that these were prepared by the fair people of this one store. Slightly hypocritically I picked up the best looking one and purchased it, in the hope that not only my review luck will change with a fresh approach (pun intended) but perhaps my opinion of Gregg’s too.

Now I’m not sure what type of monster this is, at first glance you may assume a green faced witch. However I’m taken to understand that a black hat is a requirement of witches so that can’t be true. I think I’ll refer to it as a fuzzy monster as the sprinkles give the impression of something with slightly more than an eight o’clock shadow.  Either way it is a rather cool and tasty looking biscuit treat.

It kinda felt like I was eating a Sesame Street puppet. 

The base is some form of butter or shortbread biscuit, atop this sits a rather large marshmallow dome. The marshmallow has then been decorated with green sprinkles and a nice icing paper decal. Now these decals feel a bit like cheating to some, after all it’s not too hard to do eyes and a mouth with icing. I however love this stuff and get addicted to it worrying, so I’m not complaining.

The biscuit alone is ok, it’s got a nice crumbly texture to it, however it’s a bit bland in taste and doesn’t taste very sweet or buttery. This was slightly disappointing until I dipped a piece in my coffee which took on a transformation, absorbing the caffeine woke it up and gave it a nicely subtle sugary taste. Then I got to the marshmallow and the surprise really began.

The marshmallow was delicious, the outside is nice and firm so I’d assumed it to be your typical mallow. How wrong I was, prepared greatly so that whilst the exterior did hold its shape but making the inside greatly gooey to the point where it’s almost a liquid. Both the mallow and the biscuit combine well, the mallow adds sweetness and melts just as well as the biscuit in my mouth. Clearly the biscuit alone wasn’t meant to be sweet as the sweetness comes from the marshmallow and sprinkles, Oh yeah and the jam!

Showcasing the awesome jammy goodness!

For you see hidden deep within the cellar lies a terrifyingly good secret. Underneath the marshmallow is a thin but adequate layer of jam. This creates an amazing combination with all the layers intertwining beautifully. The sprinkles are great too adding both crunch and sugary taste that fits nicely.

The experience is a bit similar to that of a Tunnock teacake. Instead of a chocolate layer and thin biscuit however we just have a thicker biscuit and a layer of sprinkles. The marshmallow itself is very similar and it’s not often a mallow can be prepared almost as good as the mighty Tunnock. As we know from my earlier review HERE I am a big fan of Tunnock's so it was a four gone conclusion when the jam and realisation hit.

Overall these have beaten my expectations; maybe I have been too harsh to Gregg’s. Indeed in this case they have succeeded in both turning me and this bad spell around. I still can’t quite get over the feeling of unease I get when entering their stores, the attempts to feel like a local bakers when I know there’s thousands exactly the same just doesn’t sit right with me.

Score

7 out of 11

Found

"My local" Gregg's the bakers.

Final Thoughts

There are three local Gregg's all within one mile and all look exactly the same. 

Ghostly Goings Gone

Its October the spookiest and probably greatest month of them all, to me at least. So to celebrate from this post until November I pledge only to review the most chilling of confectionary.

I'll elaborate slightly on that as I mean chilling in the uneasy sensation sense not the feeling of coldness one gets from a stiff breeze or ice cream. Although A month of reviewing does sound appealing and my love of it would overcome even the harshest of brain freeze and overdosing on dairy. I'd better get back to the point before I go off on a tangent and a trip to the freezer. So anyway Octobers here bringing Ghosts, ghouls and garishly coloured treats and a few tricks I'm sure too. It's not going to be too hard I'm sure to find freakishly themed sweets this month but I'll treat it like a challenge anyway!

The first item in my quest was an impulse buy of the highest order. I went to my local corner shop to buy a simple pen but found something more. As soon as I saw his winning smile and cheeky expression my heart melted much like ummm ice cream (Right it's too much, to the fridge!). I couldn't resist purchasing after all I do love ginger so that alone warranted a purchase.

How could you not be charmed by his expression?

The creators of this gingerbread man clearly don't quite get the concept of Halloween. Not only is this skeleton not terrifying but the box displays his inquisitive and childlike glee through a heart shaped window! I didn't even have high hopes for the taste of this as it does look rather cheaply made, but that’s not what attracted me. The fact that the ridiculous look of the packaging made me laugh was enough to warrant the purchase. Clearly this guy’s relying on his looks to get himself ahead in life (or rather the AFTERlife hahaha).

Let's skip past these frightful puns (sorry!) to get to the review. My fears of quality deficiency were only confirmed when I removed him from the box. He lacked any gingery smell to him or of anything in particular except cardboard. The icing had impressively stayed firmly cemented though the plastic like hardness to it perhaps suggests actual building work went on. I picked a bit off and found it to be tasteless and hard.

If we had smell-o-scope you'd smell cheap cardboard and disappointment

One good thing however is his shape, a good old classic silhouette human shape. There’s something worryingly satisfying about eating human shaped products no matter what guise they take. You can try to hide it but you know you gleefully bite off the heads of jelly babies you monsters! This guys no different and in revenge of the money I may have potentially wasted I ripped off an arm with gay abandon. I then proceed to slap him with it just to get my kicks before chewing.

I'm glad I got that little taste of revenge because it was all the taste I'd be finding. The box exclaims that it is "Oh so... Scrummy" believe me there’s nothing here I would consider scrummy. Bland yes and slightly stale but scrummy no. I may be being a bit harsh gingers one of my favourite flavours, as we saw in my review Here when ginger products are done well I get very happy. It needs to be a very strong fiery ginger to please me. There is no fire on offer here and I soon gave up seems it tastes as it smells, cardboardy. Dunking in tea didn't help and when you find yourself saying that you know there’s an issue.

Childish but it had to be done

The only source of fun I found was by strategically and rather childishly rearranged the icing. At least one of us got excited by this as you can tell from the photo. I soon abandoned it, that’s how bad this tasted folks that I'm not even going to finish it. Hopefully I'll find some use in the realms of baking or he'll end up becoming a permanent resident.

Overall let this be a lesson to all about the dangers of letting your heart rule your wallet and impulse buying. Like me you could end up with and always aroused amputee for a flatmate... who smells like cardboard?

Score
2 out of 11

Found

Local Premier Corner shop

Final Thoughts

He refuses to even contribute to the rent.

I Can't Believe It's Kinder!!!

Sorry guys but today’s post is going to be a bit of a rant I’m afraid. Basically due to the fact that now my holidays over I am tired and bored, therefore I need to vent some of this frustration. Ironically this rant is aimed at the very things that I usually use to cheer myself up.

I had decided on the journey home that I would be a good little boy scout. Once home I would strategically unpack as I knew I would need to be packing again pretty soon. See I can act responsibly sometimes, not this time however. As when I eventually go home I dumped my stuff in my room and headed straight out for a walk.

The walk unintentionally although not unsurprisingly turned into a trip to the shops which itself turned into looking down the chocolate aisle. Nothing had changed from what I could tell, yet something felt wrong and only upon careful investigation did I discover a discrepancy. However minor in appearance this change may be big enough to change the way I view this world we live in. Okay so maybe not the whole world, but certainly the candy world.

They look so innocent, don't they?

What I saw was the new packaging for kinder surprise eggs, which now come in two varieties blue and pink. On the face of it this isn’t so bad or shocking I suppose. After all a lot of chocolate is clearly aimed at a specific gender like new Crispello’s which has been created with the calorie conscious woman in PR people’s minds. Yorkie has always had the motto it’s not for girls but this was a clear tongue in cheek marketing ploy. Then there is character chocolates like Hello Kitty, however technically either gender can enjoy as the difference is only the outside wrapper.

Kinder’s change is more though with your choice of colour affecting that famous surprise inside. With blue containing what could be thought of as a “boy’s toy” and pink “girl’s toy’s”.  This angers and unsettles me on perhaps an over the top level, but to me I see it as the company defining what they believe the different sexes enjoy. I know that really the choice is still up to the child but we know that at that age children often already know their “corresponding colour”.

I bought one of each of the colours to see the ranges on offer; perhaps it won’t be too different. I was wrong in the pink egg I found a lock and key type toy. My thought is it’s meant to be like a padlock for a diary or some kind of small box. The leaflet advises the owner to wear the key on a friggin pink bow round their wrists. It’s decorated with sparkles, rainbows and stars and just feels wrong.  The boy’s egg contained a small Hot Wheels car but apart from typical racetrack type deco was rather gender unspecific.  I guess you can argue that at least it will stop some disappointment you had with the old random style when you’d get a toy from a range not really meant for you. However what happens when a shop runs out of blue, how does a Kinder lover get his fix if his colours gone?

The girls range is the most unnerving I think. What do you think?

Kinder aren’t the only one however, Muller corners now have a children’s range that feels that different packaging doesn’t quite cut it. Offering a girl range featuring pink hearts and strawberry yoghurt and boys range with footballs and vanilla yoghurt. I’d like to point out here that I hate football, but I do have a heart (there are those who say differently). It’s a worrying trend especially when the changes go beyond the packaging and affect the product beneath.

Perhaps I am overacting after all most industries use gender targeting, but the food industry? Surely if there is somewhere when gender should have no impact it’s in what we eat. Especially with the gender history it already has. We need to move on from labelling in general and we have progressed so far already. However to me this is a step backwards and an unnecessary one too.

Muller have since released this variety too!

Overall it’s a mistake on Kinder’s part I believe and we shall see if any backlash will occur. What do you guys think? I urge you to comment below. Tell me your opinion or tweet me I don’t mind so long as I know your there.