Peep's tree mallows and Cadbury Praline Fingers

I hate humanity, there I said it!  I know that sounds rather depressing but if you knew what I have just been through you would understand. For prior to writing these very words I was knee deep in Christmas carnage. Worse still I did nothing to warrant the treatment I experienced.

Picture the scene, me innocently realizing that I needed milk and deciding I'd just pop to the shops for a pint. Then at said shop I became involved in the hell and madness that is pre-Christmas food shoppers. How could I have been so foolish to not realize the world and his wife would be out today getting their trimmings before Christmas Eve. I really don't know what was worse the fight I had to reach the milk aisle or the time i took to que for the till. By the time I was ready to pay I went straight for the self service to avoid the personal touch of humanity.

As much as I love times like these when we all come together as society to celebrate, I do wish we hadn't come together in my local Sainsbury's. The holidays have a nasty habit of bringing out a nasty side to us in the last few weeks when we panic and descend upon food stores like locusts. Sadly this makes us tired and fed up with each other around an event with the purpose of doing the exact opposite. I believe they call it irony.

So these look plain but taste nice...

Anyway whilst there I took the opportunity to grab some last minute deals in the confectionery aisle and thought I may as well blog them whilst I attempt to relax. Now I know these are Christmassy themselves but the idea that you buy a box to share is, so in my eyes they count. They are Cadbury Fabulous Praline Fingers, part of their fabulous range which are meant to be up-market chocolate digits. I've had the honey comb versionand enjoyed them. They were really crunchy and had a great burnt honey taste to them. These are somewhat disappointing. The praline taste is just too subtle and barely comes through over the chocolate. They taste just like a slightly nutty plain finger and to be fair I love them so it's not really that disappointing. Except these tend to cost double the regulars so I do feel a little short changed.

Next I bring two appropriately themed and linked marshmallow items. One I picked up whilst visiting Macarons and more and another from an American import shop. I'll give you three guesses as to which one I prefer. The first one is a beautifully light and fluffy marshmallow with some mince pie filling mixed in. It tastes literally like eating a mince pie cloud. It melts practically before it enters your mouth a bit like candy floss.

and these look nice but taste plain. What is life?

The second mallow is a Christmas tree shaped Peep's marshmallow. Now I had heard of peeps before and have been eager to track down a box. So upon finding a few and some that fit my current challenge at that was a godsend. However this doesn't extent to the product itself as they are horrible. With an unpleasant chewy, cheap texture and literally no taste. I was really disappointed as you can imagine never has there been such build up for such dis bare since a tried a Twinky bar. I've had pound town mallows that are leagues ahead of these.

Overall it was a rather somber post today lets hope it gets better. For tomorrow is Christmas Eve itself, if I don't perk up I run the risk of being visited by three ghosts as is tradition.

Score
Fingers - 6 out of 11
Mince pie mallow  8 out of 11
Peep's mallow - 2 out of 11

Found
Sainsbury's
Tim's macarons and more
American import shop

Final Thoughts
How have Americans allowed Peep's and Twinkies to continue existing? 

Bored Blogging?

I’m starting to regret this challenge a bit if I’m honest. Posting everyday isn’t as easy as you would think believe me. Not only do I have to find time to write each post but there’s also the editing and uploading. Now I’m not really complaining, after all I get to try chocolate as I do them. The problem is that there is a growing sense of resentment.

By imposing a deadline upon myself I’ve begun to feel like the blogs become a job rather than a hobby. I think once the twenty fifth has passed I’ll need a bit of a break. For this reason and because of how similar each of today’s products are this post is going to be a bit short.

He hath no eyes!

First up we have Cadbury’s snowy delight bar, a vanilla crème filled milk chocolate slab especially for Christmas. It tastes as you would expect of the usual milk chocolate but the crème adds another level of sweetness. The crème filling is very similar to the strawberries and crème bar in texture a bit waxy but not too off putting. It gets close to becoming sickly but isn’t unpleasant. Both melt well and combine nicely so it is a good mixture. It’s very similar to product number two.

A Cadburys snowman is at number two, and pretty much the same product but in a different shape… Is what I thought. Yes whilst this is the same milk chocolate outside shell the inside crème isn’t the same. For a start it’s a vanilla mousse and not a crème. This may not seem much change there is as the filling is not only very waxy but also very tasteless. This product just doesn’t work, and is rather disappointing. Even the moulding is lazy and the snowman has no facial features or detail at all. It seems they went for a cheerful and cheap approach with this one, the sort of product you leave by the till for impulse buyers like me to find.

Little disappointed the white chocolate was only a topping

MARS also had this in their sights I’m sure with these Malteasers reindeers, but in this example I wouldn’t regret my buy. I really like these, the chocolate on the outside has a smooth milky taste. The inside is a beautifully crunchy malt middle that counters the sweetness of the outside well. The mixture has little burnt bits in it too that add even more texture. I find these teaser bars and the single Malteasers you get in Celebrations are much nicer than the actual Malteasers. I can’t see why this is so.

Lastly we have a Cadburys winter wonderland bar, these look rather cool. Made of tiny chocolate trees, of both milk and white chocolate. I was a bit disappointed by the fact that the white chocolate is only the top layer but still the taste is there. The chocolate tastes nice not too sweet, though this could be because it’s overpowered slightly by the plain milk chocolate.

Overall there’s not much to say really except that possibly there is too many products released just for one holiday. Or rather too many of the same ideas especially from Cadbury corner.

Score

Snowy Delight - 5 out of 11

Snowman - 2 out of 11

Winter Wonderland - 7 out of 11

Malteaser - 8 out of 11

Found 

Any supermarket

Final Thoughts

Hopefully part of my New Years announcement will cure this dwell in my blog enthusiasm. 

McVitie's gineger bread biscuits

Ok I know you guys are probably fed up of me reviewing ginger biscuits but lets face it gingers pretty abundant this season. I wonder why certain spices have become known as festive. I'm guessing because they each create a warming feeling. They all do really, Nutmeg, Cinnamon and ginger, to be honest I'm clutching at straws on that one. I was going to mention allspice in that list but as the name suggests it's not really a spice more an amalgamation.

I'M going to move on as I fear I'm rather out of my depth here. Clearly my spice knowledge is rather lacking. I'm fine on the practical side (as in tasting) but the theory sides above me. Anyway I have three ginger based biscuits for your reading pleasure. One is a Costa coffee ginger bread man, one a Mcvities gingerman and one is a locally made red robin cookie.

 

Ohhhh Shiny

First let’s look at the Costa Coffee offering. I know what you’re thinking, why aren’t I reviewing the gingerbread latte that comes served with this drink? Well you see I didn't need to purchase the drink in order to get this guy. All I did was walk in the store say I was the one and only Roy Saxon and was offered anything I wished. Ok so that’s not true, although I was rather crafty in my procurement of it. I did the age old technique of flirting with the server. I wasn't even the initiator of said measures, so I got both a biscuit and an ego boost all in one visit. I know what you’re thinking again, Roy shame on you for flirting back. You have a stunning and beautiful girlfriend don't you? Well yes I do, she was with me and got half the gingerbread man.

Not that it was very gingery and yes I know I always say this. Also I realize I am rather harsh on any biscuit that doesn't meet my standards. But this time not only was it lacking in ginger fiery-ness, it was also rather stale. They do rather worryingly keep these in an airtight container but often they keep the lid off for easy access. Seems a bit futile in the long run. Then again I doubt many of their customers complain about the free addition with their drinks. Well I do, except mine was just free.

Next we have a very similar looking McVitie version the only difference being a layer of chocolate on the bottom. So similar in look is it similar in taste (or lack thereof). No, not at all, in fact these little guys pack a bit of a kick to them. Finally a ginger biscuit that's got a decent amount of fire to them. The chocolate is quite nice too but the spice is where the actions at. They have a nice solid crunch to them too. They even dunk well in coffee and their sweetness really comes through especially with the chocolate underbelly. I was really surprised how nice these were considering the usual mass produced cookies that are themed for holidays.

Lastly we have the red robin, the design on this thing is really nice and the sparkling red belly is the icing on the... well ginger biscuit. This has a weird very soft texture to it, not crumbly and not solid a bit like cold but not quite solid icing. In contrast the icing on top is hard and creates the crunch to this biscuit. It has a nice ginger taste to it but really the taste of icing is the prevalent flavor. It actually works quite nicely. I'm willing to overlook the lack of ginger because of how nice these look.

Overall only the Costa one was a disappointment and that's mainly down to how they are stored. I hope if any Costa people are reading, hell if anyone even reads, they start leaving the lid on. Remember please the customer and all that.

Score

Costa Gingerbread man - 2 out of 11

McVitie's ginger man - 7 out of 11

Red Robin Biscuit - 6 out of 11

Found

Costa (surprisingly)

Tesco

Local cafe

Final Thoughts

 I will try and steer clear of ginger biscuits for a while, for your sanity and mine!

The Halloween Hat-trick or treat!

Happy Halloween everyone! Tonight’s the night when the spirits are most restless, rise and seek revenge on the living. So sit back, relax (though not too much don’t want to be grabbed by the ghoulies!) and read these devilishly delectable treats I have assembled for you. Before you begin to wonder yes I may have a trick or two in store for you lucky mortals!

The items before you are possibly the last we will see on here of creepy candy before we bury the dead for another year. By the look of some of the half-arsed attempts this may not be totally bad. I say possibly, because in pursuit of this challenge I may have gone a bit over the top in Halloween prep. I half expect to open my cupboard to be greeted by a goblin chocolate I’ve forgotten about. Hell it’s still sweet so I’ll just eat it and tell you all.

Gloriously green goop a plenty

First up today we have a Cadbury’s cream… sorry SCREAM egg. Hoho Cadbury’s I see what you did there! Basically we have the good old crème egg from Easter but dyed green. I’ve got to admit when they did this for the first time I thought it was pretty clever. Also I get another opportunity to “enjoy” their eggs. Why quotes you ask? I have an odd relationship with Crème eggs I think I like them and find that once I start eating them I regret it immediately. As usual I don’t keep this in mind as I unwrap, and bite off the top. Initially as usual all I get is a nice large chunk of Dairy Milk goodness as the great green goo has slimed its way into the bottom half.

I peer inside and see the green goo in all its gory glory, got to admit it is rather off putting and unsettling seeing the luminous gunge before me. I dig a finger in regardless and try some. Yep the regular rich and overly sweet crème I’ve come to know and love/hate. It’s not bad on its own but when I eat it with the chocolate as intended I feel rather sickly and in need of a lie down. Hopefully I haven’t been poisoned and Cadbury’s charged with murder most foul!

Eeeeewwww it's like some kind of plant thing!

I feel the effects waning and prepare myself for the next item and I have to admit I am not looking forward to this one. Weirdly it’s an item I’ve always wanted to try but in the example I have before me I have little confidence. I found this chocolate coated apple in a petrol station, cause enough for health concerns when it comes to food alone. However this item also doesn’t have any information on the packaging… Not even an expiry date, which technically is illegal.

 

                                                         Look at the scaredey cat

Remember folks if this kills me take solace that I died on this day of all days and that I did it for you. Well not entirely my compulsion with candy spurred me on a little but if it gets you through the grief I did it for you! I take a bite and wow was I right! The chocolate is cheap and tasteless with a greasy texture, and the apple beneath is worse! It’s clearly been beaten and abused prior to dipping as it’s so soft and mulchy I wouldn’t be surprised to find a maggot or two in my mouth now. Worst of all I think is the fact that underneath all this chocolate is something that could have been considered healthy. That is something that definitely has no place here on this blog. Or does it?

                                                    What kind of Witches hat is... healthy

Here it is folks then, the trick in this tales tail. The last item of the Halloween challenge! What could it be? It’s a cabbage, A CABBAGE! Surely some curse has befallen me, nope it’s a cabbage. To be precise it’s called a Witch’s hat cabbage. Basically a purple conical cabbage, now I don’t go near veg often so have no idea how to approach this … thing. I break a leaf of and try, with its weird earthy taste I screw my face up in disgust. I did boil it as you are supposed to and got an interesting result.

The cabbage turned the water a cool bluey purple hue which was great except it also changed the colour of the pasta I had included. The result was a rather appropriate for Halloween dinner of pumpkin pasta. I still had almost a whole head left so decided to try dipping it in random assortments. My favourites were good old fashioned sugar and the old reliable peanut butter. Rely on Roy to take the healthy and put it on its head… of cabbage. Hope you enjoyed my Halloween trials now their over I can continue my quest to try weird candies and not the usual stuff with a scary theme.

Score
Scream Egg- 4 out of 11
Apple- 2 out of 11
Cabbage- 7 out of 11

Found
Sainsbury's supermarket and a random petrol station!

Final Thoughts
Only on Halloween could a vegetable come out on top on this blog!
 

 

Candy Blood Bag

I’ve reached a worrying point in this review. I have real concerns that today’s item could do me some serious harm. Perhaps if it does and I do go belly up after consuming this… interesting specimen I’ll be in the ground in enough time to rise again on the big night itself (Halloween). If the worst does happen I hope you, my valued and varied reader knows that I did it for them.

Furthermore I hope someone will pick up my mantle and carry forth the torch o everything I stand for. To be honest it will be a pretty easy task as I stand for very little (I don’t even give up my seat on the train). What could possibly be causing me to have such concerns for my health? Is it worth it? Not really to be honest but in the interest of my self-made challenge when I saw this for as little as a pound I had to purchase. It’s an interesting item to say the least, it’s a blood bag!

To be fair on them they put effort in.

 Before you all throw up your breakfast I’ll point out this is a candy blood bad containing what it claims to be strawberry flavour liquid candy. This is a first for this blog so at least if this challenge item does kill me it has done its job in getting me to try new things. While this looks like a product I wouldn’t trust usually I must commend them on getting into the fun of the festivities. From the packaging to the product itself the thing screams Halloween.

The brand is called Murder Motel, which makes me wonder what they produce the rest of the year. I can’t imagine that one good season can cover them for the entire year. There are a few “hilarious” puns too. It’s apparently owned by DR. Acula, oh as in Dracula. I see what you did there how witty, Oscar Wilde would be green with envy at not thinking this himself. Furthermore it appears to be the blood of victim no. 505 AKA Will B.Back, pure genius clearly. The best joke however is the slight attempt to appear healthy with the proud proclamation that it’s “Fat Free” that’s hilarious. I did notice on the back the notice that “E129 may have an adverse effect on activity and attention in children. OH GOD, WHAT WILL IT DO TO ME THEN!

Yeah, doesn't look too confidence filling

 I can’t put it off any longer and in the interest of science and all things candy blogging I snip the end off and prepare myself. Sucking on the end I watch the gooey substance slowly inch towards my mouth. The build-up and tension is killing me, what the hell is this stuff? Why it is so slow and why am I doing this? Then it hits me!

It tastes about as expected, terrible. Although initially not too bad I thought perhaps I had misjudged it, then realisation comes in. It tastes sickly and sour and way too syrupy, like drinking pure sugar water with some artificial strawberry flavouring added for bad luck. Which I fear is essentially what it is. It gets worse as once it hits your throat it creates a burning sensation. Needless to say this went in the bin quickly and definitely won’t B.Back (see what I did there).

Overall this is terrible but then again I knew it would be. I bought it because it was cheap and I have yet to review anything liquid based. I’m really regretting this decision. Hope you guys appreciated this, because I didn't.

Score

2 out of 11

Found

Halloween section in a newsagents

Final Thoughts

If the Overlook had been named Murder Motel perhaps the shining would have been completely different!

Ghostly Goings Gone

Its October the spookiest and probably greatest month of them all, to me at least. So to celebrate from this post until November I pledge only to review the most chilling of confectionary.

I'll elaborate slightly on that as I mean chilling in the uneasy sensation sense not the feeling of coldness one gets from a stiff breeze or ice cream. Although A month of reviewing does sound appealing and my love of it would overcome even the harshest of brain freeze and overdosing on dairy. I'd better get back to the point before I go off on a tangent and a trip to the freezer. So anyway Octobers here bringing Ghosts, ghouls and garishly coloured treats and a few tricks I'm sure too. It's not going to be too hard I'm sure to find freakishly themed sweets this month but I'll treat it like a challenge anyway!

The first item in my quest was an impulse buy of the highest order. I went to my local corner shop to buy a simple pen but found something more. As soon as I saw his winning smile and cheeky expression my heart melted much like ummm ice cream (Right it's too much, to the fridge!). I couldn't resist purchasing after all I do love ginger so that alone warranted a purchase.

How could you not be charmed by his expression?

The creators of this gingerbread man clearly don't quite get the concept of Halloween. Not only is this skeleton not terrifying but the box displays his inquisitive and childlike glee through a heart shaped window! I didn't even have high hopes for the taste of this as it does look rather cheaply made, but that’s not what attracted me. The fact that the ridiculous look of the packaging made me laugh was enough to warrant the purchase. Clearly this guy’s relying on his looks to get himself ahead in life (or rather the AFTERlife hahaha).

Let's skip past these frightful puns (sorry!) to get to the review. My fears of quality deficiency were only confirmed when I removed him from the box. He lacked any gingery smell to him or of anything in particular except cardboard. The icing had impressively stayed firmly cemented though the plastic like hardness to it perhaps suggests actual building work went on. I picked a bit off and found it to be tasteless and hard.

If we had smell-o-scope you'd smell cheap cardboard and disappointment

One good thing however is his shape, a good old classic silhouette human shape. There’s something worryingly satisfying about eating human shaped products no matter what guise they take. You can try to hide it but you know you gleefully bite off the heads of jelly babies you monsters! This guys no different and in revenge of the money I may have potentially wasted I ripped off an arm with gay abandon. I then proceed to slap him with it just to get my kicks before chewing.

I'm glad I got that little taste of revenge because it was all the taste I'd be finding. The box exclaims that it is "Oh so... Scrummy" believe me there’s nothing here I would consider scrummy. Bland yes and slightly stale but scrummy no. I may be being a bit harsh gingers one of my favourite flavours, as we saw in my review Here when ginger products are done well I get very happy. It needs to be a very strong fiery ginger to please me. There is no fire on offer here and I soon gave up seems it tastes as it smells, cardboardy. Dunking in tea didn't help and when you find yourself saying that you know there’s an issue.

Childish but it had to be done

The only source of fun I found was by strategically and rather childishly rearranged the icing. At least one of us got excited by this as you can tell from the photo. I soon abandoned it, that’s how bad this tasted folks that I'm not even going to finish it. Hopefully I'll find some use in the realms of baking or he'll end up becoming a permanent resident.

Overall let this be a lesson to all about the dangers of letting your heart rule your wallet and impulse buying. Like me you could end up with and always aroused amputee for a flatmate... who smells like cardboard?

Score
2 out of 11

Found

Local Premier Corner shop

Final Thoughts

He refuses to even contribute to the rent.

Pirate Perils!!!

Ahoy, thar reader mateys. It be international talk like a pirate day. So hitch yerrr main sail and make port for peilious pirate puns and eeerrrrmm candy? I’m back from pillaging the local sweet merchant. Which means I have booty ripe for reviewing!

 What the hell am I talking about? Well today is indeed talk like a pirate day so I needed to start my blog with something nautically nonsensical. I’ll try and stop now partially because I can’t think of any other pirate puns right now but mostly because of how I feel about pirates. Apart from Captain Jack Sparrow I’m about as ninja as they come in the never ending argument of preference between peg legs and pyjamas. Anyway todays review comes at a good time, as recently I was challenged by Amy Willow from WillowsWords  to find some pirate related sweets due to her own misguided preferences (sorry).

It’s taken me a few weeks to find these three items; clearly this isn’t the right time for pirate sweets. It doesn’t help that my hometowns not near the sea and the only piracy is dodgy Dave’s DVDs.  What’s the chances though that sod and his damn law means I see nothing but appropriate sweets from now on. 

Almost as suave as Captain Jack Sparrow, bet he's winking under the patch

Anyway you salty seadogs I’ll sail towards our first product. It comes in the form of some cheap chocolate doubloons. I know these are pretty much just the chocolate coins you get at Christmas. But don’t chant cop out just yet for you see there is a pirate on the label and a skull and crossbones on the coins. So by technicality these count. Believe me if you could see these things you’d know I’m being punished enough by having to try them.

These things are cheap, really cheap and I don’t mean in the price I paid (although they were pretty cheap). As I unwrapped the gold foil I ventured a sniff and they smelt basic and unexciting as you can imagine. I never the less popped one in my mouth to melt on my tongue. Yep they taste cheap too. That typical advent calendar chocolate, dull and stale milk chocolate flavour.  I think that is a miracle of our times really how no matter what shape or form advent calendar chocolate takes it still tastes the same. At least I am now of an age when my distant relatives don’t feel the need to pop to pound land to purchase me a countdown to Christmas. No instead I have to use my hard earned cash so I get branded ones, who says we have to grow up completely right?

The next item continues the treasure trend as we look at Sainsbury’s new gold bars, woooo! These look similar to an American product I’ve seen advertised on AmericanSoda called Fort Knox bars. Except these are targeted towards children party bags from the look of them whereas Fort Knox bars look quite adult. Unfortunately I have these to try and I have a sinking feeling that they are the same kind of chocolate as the coins. They do have a cartoon pirate ship on the pack so they were suitable for my review. Anyone who says I’m scraping the barrel here is probably right but believe me it isn’t fun.

Wish I'd left these on the desert island I dug them from.

Perhaps I’m prejudging them after all I haven’t tried them yet. Maybe the cheap packaging was to save costs in order to use good quality chocolate. This hope is soon dashed by the same smell as the coins when I take off the gold paper. Worse still is that underneath the surface of the chocolate is plain; at least the coins had the good grace to print the Jolly Rodger on the faces. Thankfully they have less of a waxy texture than the coins had so are slightly better quality. They still manage to damn well taste the same however.

Well so far these chocolates have done nothing to make me leave the safety and cleanliness of my Dojo in pursuit of adventures on the high seas. The final product however is rather more interesting and not just because of the cheeky pirate clutching his cutlass. I found these in a local Polish food store amongst the kid’s sweets and thought they may be worth a try. Unfortunately as you can tell from the name (Korsarz) these don’t have any English translation so I’m tasting blind here folks. They are small black balls which could be meant to look like cannonballs and have a nice sweet smell to them.

He kinda looks more like a pizza chef at a Halloween party to me.

I give them a go and I am instantly surprised. In a good way, although after the other two products anything could be seen as an improvement. These aren’t just anything though; they are rather special the chocolate is very sweet although not sickly. With a flavour almost like condensed milk and chocolate it’s a new taste I’ve never come across. Sadly the chocolate is rather thin and inside is a small hard ball that when chewed I find tastes like sweetened coconut but without the texture.

They taste very nice and very moreish, I highly recommend them. The next one I try and chew straight away but it loses something. These are best left to melt in the mouth at first before chewing on the coconut. Otherwise you lose the unique flavour of the chocolate and you just get overly sweet coconut. It would have been nicer also if the nut wasn’t so processed and kept some of its gritty texture but that’s just a nit-pick.

Overall these are really nice. I’m thankful to Amywillow for challenging me to find pirate sweets even if I did have to try the other two piles of cheapness. Well they can sink to the bottom of the ocean and dwell in Davy Jone’s locker whilst I eat the rest of the cannon balls. I’ll probably get some more too. If anyone else has any challenges for me then check out my challenge page to find out more. Also please follow me on twitter here or I’ll make ye swabs walk the plank. ARRRRGGGHHH!!!

Score

Coins 2 out of 11

Gold bars 3 out of 11

Zorsarz 8 out of 11

Found

Thankfully can't remember where the coins came from (perhaps for the best), the bars are from Sainsbury's. Zorsarz from a local European food market.

Final Thoughts

I'm going to end up doing a poundland advent calendar review arn't I.... Bugger!!

Buzz Whoaare what is it good for!! Absolutey something?

Did you read my last review? Why the hell not! Anyway considering I bought todays review at the same time as yesterdays it shouldn’t come as a surprise that this too comes from Oz (Oz here meaning Australia and not the fictitious land of Dorothy fame.) This is basically part two and also allows me to shamelessly plug my previous posts. So if you haven’t read it yet check it out. Go on or you will miss out on all the backstory!

While this may be linked to my previous post don’t assume you know the story here. After all don’t judge a book by its cover (or in this case country of origin.) If you do however judge books by their country then you’re possibly a book racist and shame on you.

It can’t be ignored however that based on my past experiences with Australian candy things are looking bleak here. The first experience you won’t find on my blog, it was a Fredo bar with strawberry filling. I was really hyped up for it as I love Fredo’s and eye the selection other countries get with extreme envy. Sadly upon opening I found the chocolate had bloomed terribly despite being in date. As you can gather the experience left a rather sour and gone off taste in my mouth.

His cheeky face gave me hope.

There are two beacons of hope for this bar however in that it is in date (always a good sign) and also has a cheerful mascot! It caught my attention because of said mascot and the interesting name much like our beloved friendly Fredo frog bars caught us as kids (That’s sounds a bit dodgy now I re-read it.) A Buzz bar is on today’s menu, a slab of marshmallow topped with caramel and coated in milk chocolate.

Two things do strike me in a bad way however, firstly the price was pretty hefty for a chocolate bar the same size as a small milky bar. This is I realise due to having to import them but still yeeesh. I considered this bar from purchase as a blog expense. Unfortunately writing this blog doesn’t come with a Human Resources department willing to reimburse me for money out my own pocket! I hope you readers appreciate the vast lengths of about three quid I goto for you.

The second point is that for a bar called Buzz (loving the onomatopoeic name) and featuring a cheerful bee as a mascot, I’ve got to think show me the honey. Surely they missed a treat there it would have definitely been more unique. Perhaps this would be too sweet for Australian candy consumers.

This made me lose the hope!

                                            

Upon I found no particular smell of any of the contents which worried me, though not as much if nothing had been inside at all! I broke off a chunk and found literally the thinnest coating of chocolate ever. The caramel wasn’t any better it was basically a marshmallow. Yep folks looks like the past is about to be repeated for a third time.

I popped it in my gob regardless and my fears were realised. The chocolate melted instantly and with such a small layer I couldn’t even taste it. The caramel too lacked any taste although it did add a sticky texture which was something at least. The marshmallow tasted quite nice thankfully but just of your typical marshmallow nothing special about it.

I tried another bit and chewed this and let me emphasize you can really chew this bar. This time I did taste a bit of the chocolate a bit but it still tasted rather plain. The caramel and marshmallow stuck around for a while as both being rather chewy and sticky I was left opening and closing my jaw like a cow munching grass.

I didn’t like this bar but felt perhaps it was my frame of mind as I’d gone into it with past experiences in mind. So I gave some to my friend to try. Although not a chocolate fan he agreed that it was quite plain but he liked the texture. He said it tasted a bit stale too, something I hadn’t noticed myself. He hasn’t tried Australian chocolate before so it could be the difference in the sweetness between the milk chocolate recipes.

Overall it’s an appealing idea but it seems these bars have been made to be quite cheap. Perhaps they carry a very low price tag in their home turfs like Fredo bars. I’m sure it is very appealing for children who can buy a few from their pocket money change but I’ll be staying away. My friend suggested I stop buying chocolate that’s travelled great distances and I assured him I would be doing no such thing. I want to try a Tim Tam dammit!

Score

2 out of 11

Found

Sweet heaven shop Bluewater

Final thoughts

I may upset a few people who enjoyed these in childhood!

A Tad Too Over Dramatic

Readers, I bring excellent news! I have it on good authority that these economically depressive times will soon be over. It will still be hard for a while; none of us can be expecting the tides of riches to wash over these shores quickly. Yet my friends, I can see hope on the horizon. Where do I get this information that fuels this prophetic vision you ask? Have I a senior official in my pockets? Well yes, however that’s not where the glad tidings come from.

No this news comes from the high streets themselves; moreover this sign came from… well a sign actually. The management of “Poundtown” is my source, for they have seen the future and rebranded as “Town”. Admittedly the decision hasn’t been taken cautiously as they have only covered the “Pound” part with cardboard. They have seen the possibilities of a monetary boom however and don’t want to tie themselves to such a measly fee for their bulk goods. A more serious belief can be seen in their new slogan of “Everything a pound and up” and I place my faith in their belief.

What does all this amount to? Well long story short I’ve been to the pound shop which with me means biscuits! (Probably could have begun here but where’s the fun in that.) So in I went to find some cheap oddities and did I find some, the highlight in the toy section in the form of a wrestler figurine. I stayed strong and resisted the urge of this perplexing item and instead bought two packs of biscuits for a pound (good deal any day). One of these packs was a pack of wafers and while some may not apply the term biscuit to them I do.

Honestly I laughed at this for about ten minutes, staff weren't impressed

I have found a recent liking for wafers where before I saw them as dull, perhaps a sign I’m maturing? I mean they aren’t too filling that you feel guilty for the extra one or two. They also go very well with a strong black coffee or tea which I’m partial to on occasions. Problem is they really only come in vanilla or chocolate so when I see banana flavour you understand the need. This need transferred into kinetic energy that got me home quicker than usual to make a brew and try a few.

Whilst I waited for said tea to brew I opened the pack. Immediately I was met with a very strong artificial banana smell. This worried me a bit, but at least it was the right fruit. So I took a bit, let me highlight that. I took a single bite out of these things and regretted me purchase even more. These fail on every level the wafer is cheap and stale and has a weird powdery texture. The banana flavour is non-existent and well when I tried dunking them, they become soggy like no bodies business. They are terrible, tasting like the cheap ice cream cones handed out by the dodgy looking vans you were told to avoid.

You have been warned!!!

This thought gave me an idea, Ice cream! perhaps that will save them. So I had some with my dessert that night. Nope. Still terrible and to make matters worse ruined my after dinner treat worse for it. Not often will I throw away in date products but honestly these make everything they touch bland and powdery. So I had to get rid of them and the black cloud they brought upon my house.

Clearly these were a mistake, fuelled by my optimism of better times ahead. Now I feel empty and I’m even more suspicious of the reliability of the sign. I’m off to withdraw all my savings and stuff it into my mattress.

Score

2 out of 11 (They smelt of banana after all)

Found

Local pound store, "Poundtown"

Final thoughts

In what situation would a wrestler need both a chainsaw and a frog half his size, doesn't bear thinking about.