Toffee Time Troubles

Remember, remember the fifth of November. Gunpowder, treason and plot. If your English this phrase will be a clear sign of something for you, that Autumn is well and truly upon us. You know as if the Christmas stock banaza that begins in June hasn't already given you clues.If your American I don't know what your reminder is perhaps giant inflatables floating past your window or every product incorporating pumpkin.

Apples wrapped in anything, another tradition

Well what ever your idea of what it means to be Autumnal, I have a couple of appropriate products today ready for review. Both of these products are traditional firework night treats here in Britain, toffee. To those who don't know fireworks night is when we celebrate a man who failed to kill our king and government, I don't know why everyone views us British as a cynical bunch. I understand how we choose to celebrate with fireworks, there is a clear link there to the attempt to blow up Parliament. Not quite sure why Toffees traditional candy for the day though, surely it should be popping candy.

Anyway so today's item is a British tradition and tomorrow I'l do some American traditions for Autumn, see I'm not biased. The toffee in question is rather special too and comes from my recent trip to Cumbria, where I found a shop called 'The Toffee Shop' in Penrith (know your product well I guess). According to the tourist information this was the place to go for toffee treats. Disappointingly the shop only does two types of toffee and three types of fudge. Although by the signs of the fudge samplers I had I was in for a treat.

It's all in the name

The first type is your typical treacle toffee, handmade on the premises they proudly proclaim. I'm not a big fan of treacle but when in Penrith do as the... Penrithians do? I found the chunks to be very sweet and very hard. Exactly what you want in toffee really, it had a great bite and it didn't take too long to soften enough to be chewed. The taste was very much treacle but it managed to be the right level of sweetness throughout and I saw why these guys were experts in their craft.

They don't really look appetizing, but they are!

The next piece was some of their butter toffee and this is when their love of toffee clearly lies. Again these chunks are pretty solid and my dentist was on hand ready to fix breakages. The taste was amazing at first I got a kick of sugar. This was soon complimented by a creamy, salty butter taste that created a sublime combination. Again it's no wonder these guys have a name for themselves, even if it is rather product restricting.

Overall these were nice, although the fudges they make were to me much nicer. I did buy rather a lot of fudge to keep me stocked if I'm honest. See you tomorrow for Pumpkins galore!
Score
Treacle Toffee- 6 out of 11
Butter Toffee- 9 out of 11

Found
The Toffee Shop, Penrith

Final Thoughts
Hope everyone's celebrations went off with a bang over the weekend!

I fly High with the Bird's and Elephants!!!

 You know what really sucks about holidays? The last day, not only have you got to pack up everything but you need to travel to get home too. Every time is the same too no matter how much extra space you leave to compensate you still don’t have enough case room for all your souvenirs. Then there’s the weather, usually it’s either the best day all week the sun bearing down on you as you struggle with the cases. Or worse it’s pouring with rain and reflects your already dull and damp mood. (In scriptwriting this is called pathetic fallacy.)

As you may be able to guess my holiday is over, the cars packed and physically I’m ready to leave. Mentally I won’t to stay and the thoughts of the six hour car journey do nothing to sweeten my mood. Thankfully we are stopping over at relatives at the half way point to give ourselves a bit of a break. Let me tell you after sitting in the cramped car for so long that stop over will feel like another mini holiday!

Going to miss this scenary

I also have the thoughts of the home cooked meal we have to look forward to when we arrive as well, something we’ve missed out on recently. Don’t get me wrong the food was but it wasn’t exactly prepared with TLC. No, most of the time it was plainly obvious the only warmth coming from the food was an aftereffect of the radiation waves. Nothing can beat a good home cooked meal, unless it comes served with a certain pastry from the famous local Bakery.

The local baker in question is Bird’s bakery, a name spoken with the highest esteem and usually followed by a sigh of fond memories. Their products often form the benchmark for anything similar, with two products especially that cause instant salivation. These two are their sausages; I have yet to find a banger that even comes close to beating them. Then in the dessert corner their Elephant’s foot cake (not as grotesque or illegal as it sounds!)

Even the boxes look elegant, simple yet amazing

Today’s review is of said Elephant’s foot, I’ll try for something more than “Oh God Yes!!!” I’ll begin by describing it, essentially it is a big round éclair yet it’s so much more. A dome of beautifully delicate puff pastry severed in two and filled with home-made fresh whipped cream. Somehow this cream is both sweet and light in a way no other whipped cream I’ve ever tasted is. The dome is then covered in a generous layer of thick and gooey milk chocolate that’s set to fudge like consistency. In all its perfection on a plate, to be served alone as any compliment would be an insult.

I love to savour these obviously, and when such care has been taken to craft such treat I’ve developed a certain ritual. I start with the bottom half topped with the cream. Then once that’s been finished and every speck of creams gone I start on the top, working my way around the edge in a spiral like motion to the epicentre of chocolate. This may sound extreme but it make these bad boys last.

Take it in while it lasts, which won't be for long!

The pastry is light and airy that you barely feel any weight on the fork; it carries a very subtle taste that’s never stale. When mixed with the cream a light sugary taste is added that somehow doesn’t feel any heavier than without it. A delicately milky cream taste is the aftertaste once the sugars gone. It’s somehow deliciously creamy without being sickly sweet or making you feel guilty for indulging.

The top half is slightly thinner and yet made heavier by the chocolate. It’s thick and fudgy to the point where a knife is more suited to cutting it than the edge of a fork. Tasting milky and very chocolaty it melts in your mouth perfectly leaving the pastry behind with a chocolate hint to it. Whilst I do separate the layers like an insane person, if taken all in at once is just as good. As all the layers complement each other perfectly and never feels like you’re eating too much like most éclairs do. To me though all at once leaves it all over too soon and you can’t quite appreciate the different tastes on offer.

Overall not much else I can say except “Oh God Yes!!”

Score

9 out of 11

Found

Bird's bakery

Final Thought's

Their pig's are fed on the cakes they don't sell is what I've been told.

Beware the Bownessie mi boy!!!

What’s Britain’s longest river? What can someone take a three hour boat tour around? And finlly what lies beneath its calm surface? All these and a few more burning issues will hopefully be answered in today’s blog.

Basically the answer is Lake Windermere and a lot of fish but little else. Leaving it at that wouldn’t be very entertaining for you to read. So today I’m writing from the southernmost point of the lake at a place imaginatively called the Lakeside. It has an aquarium which I strolled round as I await my vessel to take me to the town of Bowness. I’m not doing the three hour tour however as I have lots of important things to do and little time (although nothing actually springs to mind).

My fine vessel the Teal

Once seated on the fine boat the Teal we begin to sail out and I realise actually I wouldn’t mind doing the full three hours. It’s so relaxing just sitting here looking out the window watching the world go by. The scenery is beautiful even in the torrential rain coming down, yet the surface of the water still seems so calm. It’s so deep and still it reflects everything right back off it like a mirror,  creating a glorious effect with the surrounding hills.

However these calm deep blue waters may conceal a monster. Supposedly beneath me right now could be a beast! A terrible Green monster with teeth the size of my arm, with jaws big enough to catch this very ship and drag it down into the murky depths. A beast so terrible he chooses to wear a bright yellow cap and rescue stranded children instead if you believe the posters. I’m talking about Bow Nessie Lake Windermere’s very own mythical creature. Nope I’d not heard of him either until I saw the poster on the boat by which time it could have been too late for me! Clearly he needs to get himself a better PR agent; perhaps the Loch Ness Monster can suggest his.

By the time I'd seen this it was already too late!!!

Monster hunting aside, what could make this trip even better? Why a pot of tea and a couple of biscuits that’s what. I stowed the biscuits away in my coat as I wanted to review them and what better place to write than amongst this setting. The first biscuit is a Starbuck’s Biscotti I bought on a whim. I’ve been meaning to try Biscotti for a while, but whenever I have the chance I end up going for a chocolate wafer instead. The second is a shortbread biscuit featuring a startled pumpkin I purchased on one final outing to Bryson’s. Well it is Friday the 13^th so it seemed appropriate.

I know, I know much like these cookies I crumbled (bad pun is bad) and returned to Bryson’s for a third time. I can’t help it I’m addicted to their baked goods. At least I am admitting it which is the first step to recovery. Also I need to stock up It’s nearly the end of my trip and I need supplies to help with going cold turkey from the great week.

So first up we have the Biscotti, upon opening I’m not met with any smell which is slightly concerning but I persevere. I am shocked at how solid these are; honestly they are more like rocks than biscuit. I’m seriously concerned for my teeth on this one. Clearly not too concerned, as I soon take a bite off the end. It tastes great with a subtly sweet taste, the ends are slightly burnt too giving it a great toasted taste. This goes towards the centre however replaced with almonds that add their own flavour and crunch.

One thing that’s kept me from purchasing I the past is how dull these look but they are actually pretty varied. There’s even a slight whisper of orange but that could just be me. When dipped the cookie gets damp but doesn’t fall apart, it also helps bring out the sweetness and the nuts maintain some of its crunch. A very nice biscuit I will definitely be buying more.

This biscuit kept evil at bay, also what you can't see is it was glittery. Useless but nice touch!

Next up the Bryson’s pumpkin biscuit, I think it’s shortbread but seems very thick (not that I’m complaining). I take a bite and I’m immediately surprised at the icing, I had expected it to be hard and brittle. Yet instead it’s soft and creamy as though it had only just been applied. It has no taste of its own being mostly for show and texture. This is a good thing however as it allows the taste of the cookie to come through.

What a taste at that, it crumbles and melts instantly with a freshly baked buttery taste that’s divine. When dunked it does get a little soggy and you lose the satisfaction of melting it in your mouth but it still tastes great. Bryson’s have done it again; I’m going to miss those guys. (I would like to point out I am not getting paid by them they just happen to be the bakery near my hotel.)

Overall it maybe Friday the 13^th but I’m anything but unlucky. Great scenery, great biscuits, great tea. It’s amazing final day to my trip. Why do holidays have to end?

Score

Biscotti 5 out of 11

Pumpkin 7 out of 11

Found

Biscotti-Starbucks

Pumpkin- Bryson's bakery

Final thoughts

I wonder if a few shops I've been in recently have a delivery range of half the country?

Jelly Belly Bean Day

How many roads must a man walk down before you can call him a man? That famous question/song can never truly be answered can it? Well readers what if I told you that today, in this very review, I will not be answering it either!

What I can offer is what you call someone who goes down the wrong road or more accurately mistakenly walks down a road. He feels bloody stupid is how he feels. I’m clearly speaking from recent experience here, which I’ll explain. Today I visited the lovely village of Howarth, in which I knew resided a sweet shop to trek to. I asked for directions from a greatly helpful café owner and set off on my adventure.

Beautiful, yes. Sweet shop however it is not!

Half an hour into said adventure time I’d reached the edge of town and a field full of uninterested sheep, clearly not what I’d set out for. My doubts about my direction had been growing but I really didn’t want to admit I’d gone wrong. Mainly because there was only one road that went through the village, yet I’d somehow got lost. Now this is good in one way as it meant I could just turn back and ask again for directions. In another way however it meant going back the way I’d came, past the same shops, the same people all of whom would know I’d got lost. I did not feel like a man, I felt a damn fool (not much change really).

This was only made worse when I approached the café and the man who had directed me. Turns out I had turned right when I should have turned left upon exiting. Bless him though for he didn’t laugh at me. At least not to my face.

I did eventually reach the shop and it had been worth my roundabout journey there. With a retro sweets in jars style pick and mix, wooden style décor it looked pretty amazing. These sweet shops are awesome on so many levels and the people who work there often share my passion for sugary goodness. I took a good look around believe me then asked for some recommendations from the owner. When he replied with “something sweet” I could have hugged him.

Not much I can say really, Oranges woo!!!

I ended up buying a packet of Jelly Bean chocolate orange Dips, not unique I know but they were on offer and I have wanted to purchase some. I also pointed to various jars to form a pick and mix bag, because well you just have to.

So the Jelly Beans are on trial today, I’ve seen them before in a chain sweet shop where they were much more expensive. They sounded great, I love chocolate orange but just not at the over inflated price they had wanted. So when this shop had them going cheap I almost bit his arm off (if it had been sugar coated almost certainly so)! Coupled with this is a recent craving for Terry’s Chocolate Oranges I have been experiencing, however they should really only be consumed at Christmas. This makes them special, an annual treat to be savoured like turkey.

When I opened the up I was met with an awesome scent similar to Terry’s but a bit more artificial. My hopes that these could satisfy my cravings for a few months were building. It’s not just the whole pack either; each piece positively reeks of the heavenly combination. My mouth began salivating I don’t mind telling you.

I took one in and immediately got sucking (giggidy). The chocolate melts immediately, and I mean immediately. Honestly it must be paper thin, lovely while it lasts. Blink however and believe me you’ve missed it. For a few seconds though you can achieve a mixture of chocolate orange but just not on par with my desire. The bean underneath is good on its own thankfully, a tangy orange that’s very similar to strong marmalade.

Batten burg update, I bought some... Couldn't help it.

Next I tried chewing one, hoping by mashing them together I could better incorporate the flavours. Unfortunately this soon failed, the chocolate performed even worse. It crumbled away and disappeared with no flavour at all. Worse still when chewed the bean gets stuck in your teeth and flavour wise loses potency. It probably lasted as long as sucking it however, as I was finding it in every crack and crevice.

Overall, these are really nice. Just not enough chocolate and not close enough. I would buy them again only however at the price I paid. I’m glad I missed my first opportunity as the dent to my wallet would have been an insult to injury. I guess I will have to wait until December to truly satisfy my cravings. Although to make it worse Terry’s have released two “limited edition” oranges and a mini bag. Life’s tough sometimes.

Score 
6 out of 11

Found
Mrs Beatton's sweet shop

Final Thoughts
Tomorrow I do battle with Bownessie, anticipation levels rising.

Ginger, cinder Goodness

Sorry if my posts seem a bit intermittent at the moment. I’m currently having a jaunt round the Lake District. The scenery is amazing, with rolling hills with the tops concealed in the clouds to the deep valleys that make your stomach jump. What it isn’t however neither modern nor internet friendly, although for the sights I’m seeing I don’t mind taking a Wi-Fi break.

Something I’ve really enjoyed but didn’t even consider is the quirky towns that we are passing through to get to the sights. Obviously they are purposefully quant and odd as they target themselves to us tourists passing through. I don’t like to think of this as I walk round them because I start to notice how fake everything actually is; at take the weirdness at face value instead.

I had already eaten half by the time I took this, that good!

It helps that for each small town there is usually two great sweet shops and five bakeries. Each one we pass through sends me into a fit of excitement like I’m a child again (again?) Honestly in some of these towns there must be about five cafes per actual resident. I’m developing a theory that the “locals” I see running and drinking in them are actually robots, a bit like in the film West World.

I’ve visited many a sweet shop I can tell you and have a lot of catching up to do when I get home. Today’s review items come from an awesome town we discovered unexpectedly called Keswick. Home to the world famous Puzzling Place, Dinosaur and Raptor Experience and Cumbria’s Pencil Museum. I went to the first of these paid four quid to screw my eyes up and thought I’d give the latter a miss.

One place I didn’t miss however was Bryson’s bakery. In which I found a flapjack, but not just any old flapjack. A ginger flapjack (as in flavour not hair colour), now I can take or leave a flapjack but when you factor in ginger I just had to try it. I’m definitely glad I did believe me, upon opening I was hit with a gloriously fiery ginger aroma and knew I’d picked a winner.

It doesn't exactly look appealing I know

I excitedly took a bite,. There is a reason Bryson’s are known in these parts because they know what they are doing with food. This flapjack is a testament to that, a perfect balance of oats and syrup infused with enough ginger to standout and not be too fiery (although usually the hotter the better). It’s not too dense and stodgy either so it was quite tempting to demolish the whole block at once. I had to restrain myself long enough to take a picture for you guys. I’m hoping for another chance to visit as I was greedily eyeing up their Battenberg cake but didn’t purchase.

The second item is nowhere near as special or one of a kind. No every shop I walk in seems to sell it in some form or another. It didn’t interest me at first but I became so overexposed to it that it annoyed me enough to purchase (I know that shouldn’t make sense right?) I think the thing that was putting me off mainly was the packaging. Every time I saw it, it was in a clear plastic wrapper like those on toys, 0this doesn’t make it very appealing.

The scenery is beautiful

It’s called Cinder Toffee. I’d assumed that it was just hard burnt pieces of toffee and imagined overly sweet rock in flavour. I was very wrong and feel ashamed in my judgement. It is neither rock solid nor overly sweet. No! It’s soft and crumbly like solidified honey (which I love) or soft rock, with an aerated centre like an Aero bar. Creating a brilliantly crumbly sweet that melts on the tongue. The taste is nice too it is defiantly very sweet toffee however because of its hollow nature it is in no way sickly. Honestly I managed to eat most of the bag at once. I’m going to try another variant I’ve seen soon that’s covered in chocolate but I don’t think it will be as nice. Also it won’t have the surprise value this had honestly wish someone had filmed me eating this.

Overall I love Cumbria and the sights, sounds and of course tastes I’m experiencing. I’ve not even been to Kendal yet. When I get there somehow I think there will be a shortage of their famous mint cake!

Score
Ginger Flapjack 8 out of 11
Cinder Toffee 6 out of 11
Found
Bryson's Bakery for the flapjack
Final Thoughts