Mini-smarties Penguin

I'm afraid today's post is going to be a little short I fear. No don't start cheering at that speck of information, firstly that's rude and secondly you'll bruise my ego. I've been rather busy these last few days and I don't just mean on here. Which has kept me on my toes I'd like to point out. Sometimes  it's not easy posting everyday but for the sake of my advent challenge 2013 I'll do it.

Looks weirdly smug under the wrapping.

No winter weather gear at all!

It's not only a busy schedule that's bothering the blog its also today's item. Sometimes there is very little you can say apart from 'oh its a penguin'. Although I do wonder why they have picked a penguin for there Christmas items. I guess Penguins live in the cold and Christmas is cold, but its a very vague link at best. Also I would like to point out to Nestle's that penguins also live in Africa. I guess it could be worse the Milky Bar Christmas item is some kind of owl I think.

Went off before I could scoff - blooming marvelous!

Anyway the item I'm going on about is a mini Smarties penguin. Basically a festively themed Easter egg you know at Christmas. Inside is a nice helping of mini smarties which actually taste the same as normal smarties this time. The chocolate shell isn't quite so nice however, tasting rather cheap and not very thick. Then again I've got used to companies scrimping on quality for a holiday themed items. My best guess is that they believe that the items are most likely going to go to kids who don't mind as long as its vaguely sweet.

One very worrying aspect of this product is that I left it in a tin for a bit as I didn't finish it all at once. Then when I went back, it had already began bloom. I don't really know why it did this, I've left chocolate in the same tin, in the same place for weeks with no ill effect. Perhaps as its a penguin I should have put it in the fridge... or an African beach.

Score
5 out of 11

Found
Superdrug

Final Thought
It doesn't even have a scarf or woolly hat on!

Rice Krispies Squares - Cookie Crunch

I have a funny relationship with breakfast bars, come to think of it I have a funny relationship with everything. But, breakfast bars and me are curious occurences, mainly because I never actually have them for breakfast. I'm not sure whether this is the same for all of you, its' not like I've done extensive research.

Breakfast bars for me tend to be a bit of an impulse buy, usually at lunchtime when energy levels are flagging. they tempt me in with the promise of a possibly healthier alternative than the flapjack next door. However in truth I know that most bars are just as bad if not worse than the alternative. Take todays item a rice crispy square, on face or shelf value my thought process goes like this. Rice crispies are meant for breakfast, breakfast stuff is good for you. Then E=MC2 must mean that these are a healthy lunch option, after all I'm basically having more breakfast.

Not quite sure why I even think its good for me!

Except I'm not and it was all a ruse, as soon as I've bought, paid and eaten half I remember that Rice crispies are kids cereal and therefore have the nutritional values of  a lump of sugar... dipped in chocolate. Which is essentially the idea of all breakfast squares. Take sugar laden cereal replace healthy milk with sticky syrup or marshmallow. Top with chocolate and any additional thing knocking about the factory and then market it like it's golden. As their advertising campaign says "It's all lies... They arn't even square" bloody true they are rectangles!

However I am still a sucker for new and limited edition products, especially if they are cheap too. So when I saw this new range of Cookie Crumble Squires I thought I'd be "healthy" and try them. To be fair to them they don't state on the packaging that they are even attempting to be healthy it's just my mixed up mind that perceives them as such. Instead they identify themselves as Crispy grains of toasted rice with cocoa biscuits and a chocolate coating... Yeah no health benefits to be seen here then!

Ok so it definitely doesn't look healthy!

As ever the adventurer I unwrap and inspect regardless, immediately I'm met with my old friend dissapointment. This looks exactly the same as the normal variety of Rice Krispie "squares". The cookie crunch feature being very small balls of biscuit very sparsely distributed throughout. It's still got the syrupy and chewy texture that I dislike and makes me question why I even bother to give them another go.

I take a bite any way and actually it's not bad. I tactically took a bite that would give me a bit of biscuit and it actually does have a cookie taste to it. It is still rather sickly sweet and the usual flavour of these bars overpowers it to some extent (the mixed taste of sugar, condensed milk and overly sweet chocolate). However ther is an intial cookie type flavour present, it just doesn't make these any more appatising to me in general. They are still far too chewy and sticky for my liking and I regret buying the pack of four. If any one has any suggestions for uses of these things comment below. I'm thinking doorstops, or table legs.

Overal I don't know what I was expecting, these were hardly going to be different were they?

Score
3 out of 11

Found
Poundland

Final Thoughts
I hate being impulsive... sometimes.

Wonka Millionaire's Shortbread

Expectations are a funny thing aren’t they? Build them up and quite often they knock you down. Take today’s blog post for example if you go into reading this with the low expectations you’ve come to it with you may just enjoy it. Then again no matter how you approach my blog you’re going to love it, after all its awesomeness is a reflection of my own and I just can’t help that.

It’s a true point, however, that often when we build ideas up in our mind they can never truly live up to all the hype. It’s why I try to live as spontaneously as I can, if we don’t think too much not only will we be surprised more but you can never really be disappointed when something doesn’t live up to your standards. Take today’s item, a Nestle Millionaires Shortbread Wonka bar. When I heard that Nestle were re-launching the Wonka brand over here after a seven or so year hiatus I was excited like a small puppy. I remembered the amazing tasting bars that were released to coincide with the Tim Burton film and thought of the possibilities for crazy combinations.

 

Definitely an air of madness about it

Then they came out with the new flavours and immediately I was less jubilant, they weren’t the same and part of me knew that the flavours were variants of other Nestle products. This bar for instance is very similar in taste to a limited edition product that snuck out the back, as these jumped through the door. On the outside these do meet my hopes with the same crazy Wonka feeling design as the Nice Cream I tried Here. The colour and design are brilliantly chaotic that I’m sure Dahl would approve of. Once unwrapped, I found the shape to be rather a let-down. The last bar had a nice print of an ice cream sundae on it; this one is plain except for a monogram W in the corner.

Undeterred too much as usual by aesthetics alone I try a chunk, immediately I notice the chocolate yet again isn’t the usual quality Nestle taste. It’s clearly less cocoa more sweeteners, possibly with all the flavours being thrown around Nestle thought they be sneaky well I got you. It doesn't taste bad with a caramel paste inside with tiny chunks of crumbly biscuit for bite. I would have thought however if they were aiming to emulate millionaire’s shortbread that a solid layer of biscuit topped with caramel and then layered in chocolate would have been closer.

 

Just rather plain in comparison

Then it hit me what I was really eating and my hopes for the future of innovation fell ever more! This is essentially just a re-packaged Kit-Kat caramel, the limited edition bar that always seems to be around. Except unlike them the chocolate coating isn't as thick or even as nice. Whilst the Nice Cream was good and a great idea this one was disappointing. It just feels a bit cheap, the caramel paste itself shows this, and surely a nice coating of normal Mars like caramel would have felt less manufactured.

Overall I was disappointed by round two of the Wonka bar saga; I do blame my expectations in part. I’m looking forward to the final assault when I buy a bar of the Crème Brule although I will try to be neutral… TRY!

Score

4 out of 11

Found

Sainsburys

Final Thoughts

Todays review is rather serious clearly disappointment has aged me.

The Halloween Hat-trick or treat!

Happy Halloween everyone! Tonight’s the night when the spirits are most restless, rise and seek revenge on the living. So sit back, relax (though not too much don’t want to be grabbed by the ghoulies!) and read these devilishly delectable treats I have assembled for you. Before you begin to wonder yes I may have a trick or two in store for you lucky mortals!

The items before you are possibly the last we will see on here of creepy candy before we bury the dead for another year. By the look of some of the half-arsed attempts this may not be totally bad. I say possibly, because in pursuit of this challenge I may have gone a bit over the top in Halloween prep. I half expect to open my cupboard to be greeted by a goblin chocolate I’ve forgotten about. Hell it’s still sweet so I’ll just eat it and tell you all.

Gloriously green goop a plenty

First up today we have a Cadbury’s cream… sorry SCREAM egg. Hoho Cadbury’s I see what you did there! Basically we have the good old crème egg from Easter but dyed green. I’ve got to admit when they did this for the first time I thought it was pretty clever. Also I get another opportunity to “enjoy” their eggs. Why quotes you ask? I have an odd relationship with Crème eggs I think I like them and find that once I start eating them I regret it immediately. As usual I don’t keep this in mind as I unwrap, and bite off the top. Initially as usual all I get is a nice large chunk of Dairy Milk goodness as the great green goo has slimed its way into the bottom half.

I peer inside and see the green goo in all its gory glory, got to admit it is rather off putting and unsettling seeing the luminous gunge before me. I dig a finger in regardless and try some. Yep the regular rich and overly sweet crème I’ve come to know and love/hate. It’s not bad on its own but when I eat it with the chocolate as intended I feel rather sickly and in need of a lie down. Hopefully I haven’t been poisoned and Cadbury’s charged with murder most foul!

Eeeeewwww it's like some kind of plant thing!

I feel the effects waning and prepare myself for the next item and I have to admit I am not looking forward to this one. Weirdly it’s an item I’ve always wanted to try but in the example I have before me I have little confidence. I found this chocolate coated apple in a petrol station, cause enough for health concerns when it comes to food alone. However this item also doesn’t have any information on the packaging… Not even an expiry date, which technically is illegal.

 

                                                         Look at the scaredey cat

Remember folks if this kills me take solace that I died on this day of all days and that I did it for you. Well not entirely my compulsion with candy spurred me on a little but if it gets you through the grief I did it for you! I take a bite and wow was I right! The chocolate is cheap and tasteless with a greasy texture, and the apple beneath is worse! It’s clearly been beaten and abused prior to dipping as it’s so soft and mulchy I wouldn’t be surprised to find a maggot or two in my mouth now. Worst of all I think is the fact that underneath all this chocolate is something that could have been considered healthy. That is something that definitely has no place here on this blog. Or does it?

                                                    What kind of Witches hat is... healthy

Here it is folks then, the trick in this tales tail. The last item of the Halloween challenge! What could it be? It’s a cabbage, A CABBAGE! Surely some curse has befallen me, nope it’s a cabbage. To be precise it’s called a Witch’s hat cabbage. Basically a purple conical cabbage, now I don’t go near veg often so have no idea how to approach this … thing. I break a leaf of and try, with its weird earthy taste I screw my face up in disgust. I did boil it as you are supposed to and got an interesting result.

The cabbage turned the water a cool bluey purple hue which was great except it also changed the colour of the pasta I had included. The result was a rather appropriate for Halloween dinner of pumpkin pasta. I still had almost a whole head left so decided to try dipping it in random assortments. My favourites were good old fashioned sugar and the old reliable peanut butter. Rely on Roy to take the healthy and put it on its head… of cabbage. Hope you enjoyed my Halloween trials now their over I can continue my quest to try weird candies and not the usual stuff with a scary theme.

Score
Scream Egg- 4 out of 11
Apple- 2 out of 11
Cabbage- 7 out of 11

Found
Sainsbury's supermarket and a random petrol station!

Final Thoughts
Only on Halloween could a vegetable come out on top on this blog!
 

 

Hellish Halloween Hamper

Right I'm back from the mystical Isle of Wight, slightly earlier than I had hoped but safe at least which I guess is what matters. I almost didn't make it! I could have been stuck there for eternity without hope, without escape and without internet! It doesn't bear thinking about really.

The reason I had to rush home is that if you believe the weather reports the UK is about to be blown away by a coming storm. Considering how I needed a ferry to return home I thought it would be best to beat said storm, turn tail and run. I don't feel like a sissy because at least it allows me to bring more reviews to you my adoring

fan (no plural needed).

I seem to remember before leaving that I'd do a bumper review in return for my absence so here we go. This could get quite intense hope you can keep up!

First up lets consider some cookies, I have a terrible trio here for your delights. Another pumpkin shaped ginger biscuit from the folks at Costa coffee. Now it wasn't too bad but a bit bland and lacking in fire as usual. Nowhere near as bad as This, but certainly not as good as This. The biscuit itself was overall nice however the incing has no taste in itself and is a bit hard. When dunked it added a little sweetness but little else.

We have a chocolate cookie from Morrison's with a weirdly worried looking marshmallow skeleton. It has a nice chocolate hint to it and tastes quite fresh despite not being part of their freshly baked range. It dunks really well and the chocolate is brought out quite nicely when it's slightly damp. The marshmallow is a nice chewy offering, good level of sweetness and a subtle hint of vanilla. 

Lastly we have a cool idea from McVities in these snaptastic biscuits. basically one big chocolate digestive that you snap into individual characters. The chocolate layer is good quality and tastes superb with the dreggs of my coffee. The biscuit underneath is nicely oaty and has it's own distinct flavour once the chocolate has melted away.

With the biscuits and their crumbs brushed under the carpet let's have a blast from the past in the form of the last treat from Mark's and Spark's. These are called Super Scary Skulls, basically little jelly sweets. When I pulled one out the bag I was slightly unnerved as they have a weird ancient Mayan look about them in my opinion and one of the freakish things I've tried so far. I popped it in my mouth regardless and was pleasantly surprised. They taste rather nice, a good subtle blackcurrant and raspberry taste to them. Not too sweet and definitely not artificial tasting. I was disappointed that the jelly inside wasn't runny as it was the impression I got from the packets description.

The last product in this bonanza is some weird little chocolate critters. I can't actually remember where I found these however I'm afraid, clearly more of an impulse buy than usual. They are kinda cute although they lose points for using redundant cardboard just to add to their design. The chocolate itself is quite nice not quality as I clearly got these from a cheap store somewhere. They have the look and smell of advent chocolate and my tummy turned at this thought. However when I actually tried one  I found it tasted rather nice. Not amazing quality by any means but nicely chocolaty and milky, it didn't taste like sweetener or additives which is always nice.

Overall most of these Halloween goodies are good. Clearly my brief and slightly shortened holiday weekend has subdued my cynical and critical side. Now how will I write reviews, The world sucks like that doesn't it!

Score

Costa Biscuit- 5 out of 11

Morisson's Skeleton- 6 out of 11

McVitie's gang- 8 out of 11

Jelly skellies- 7 out of 11

Creepy critters- 5 out of 11

Found

Numerous places some I don't even remember!

Final Thoughts

I'm tired out, still have a lot of stock left too!

How to really phone it in!

No need to fret folks we are back to normal as of today. Ok so not normal, and not really right back to normal just kinda not like yesterday. I mean I could never truly be normal could I? Also what is normality anyway? Surely it’s subjective and we should all stop finding that perfect normal. Maybe I’m rambling on an odd tangent for a sweet blog. Maybe I kinda like it.

Anyway, to explain oneself. By back to normal I mean back to sweets, unlike yesterday when we had a savoury experience. Of course I’m also not completely back to normal just yet as it still isn’t Halloween which means there’s plenty more Halloween stuff to scour through. Todays review also isn’t back to Marks and Spencer’s territory, I’ll save the last product for a few days.

Somethings not quite right here

There is a reason for this although don’t start thinking it’s to raise tension and that there’s some big payoff. No that comes with the final post where I have a big surprise for you all on the wicked night itself. I bet you can’t wait! If that thought has got you excited and wetting yourself then I’m sorry. Sorry but you need to get out more and while your there buy some adult diapers.

Geez another tangent, time I got on with the review. Anyway today we have a Halloween themed version of a product that not long came out over here in Blighty. Maynard’s Sour patch Kidz have really only been around for under a year I think. They have proved quite popular and at one point all the shops in my area had sold out. Already we have had additions to the line in the form of Soda Popz, now we have Heads and bodies for October’s festive period.

Somehow I think sour should be in inverted commas

Basically they are the same as usual except the heads have been cut off these patch kidz. It’s no wonder their sour then ‘haha great pun there!’ I hear you roar. Rather disappointedly is that in losing their head they have also somehow lost their range of flavours? As these Halloween themed offerings only come in blackcurrant and orange flavour. Further disappointment came to me because my bag was lacking in blackcurrant heads. In fact I had only two blackcurrant pieces in the whole bag! Somehow to avoid opening the racism door we should move on quickly and not dwell.

I popped one of the abundant orange pieces in my gob and was struck immediately. Not however as you’d imagine by how sour they were, no my face didn’t twist into an unearthly shape. As there is literally hardly any sourness on offer here what so ever. The sour coating melts away in seconds and has nowhere near the punch of the regular range. The orange underneath was very strong too which didn’t help as it overpowered any tastes that preceeded it. It didn’t have the old artificial sweetener taste which is a bonus, however it still didn’t taste like orange. More like undiluted orange squash, in a rather unpleasant burns your mouth kind of way.

Had to make Popcorn cake to cheer myself up

I moved on once the flavour had gone (about four days later) to try one of the blackcurrant pieces. Again the sour coating dissolves in seconds and you barely notice it’s been. The blackcurrant itself is thankfully a little less powerful than the orange so it doesn’t blow your head off. Again doesn’t actually taste of natural blackcurrant more like how a stepford wife version would taste of. Perfect in every way and therein lies the problem.

These are rather disappointing on several levels. Firstly, only two flavours on offer. Really they could have had the usual range at least. Not only are they phoning it in for Halloween here, they are phoning in sick and not even fake coughing! Secondly what has happened to the sour coating? The regular varieties while not amazingly sour like Toxic Waste do at least have some kick in them. Lastly I kinda feel like taking the heads off deprives us all of the rather guilty pleasure we all share in eating humanoid food. Biting the heads off! I had to settle for gnawing on a leg!

Overall this is a rather poor effort for a range that was showing promise. Let’s hope it’s only a temporary setback and we don’t end up with Santa shapes in only cherry for Christmas.

Score
5 out of 11

Found
Local Co-Operative shop, but they are everywhere.

Final Thoughts
Why are the heads so enlarged too? What happened prior to separation?

Poisonous Scorpions

Can you guess what todays review is. Regular readers will know it’s likely to be Halloween themed due to myself made Halloween challenge. Essentially I have been grabbing any and all Halloween tat I can find to get into the festivities. Really regular readers will have their suspicions that its product two of the Marks and Spencer offer I took advantage of. Lastly all of you will be expecting me to be reviewing something sugary and sweet right? Well you’re DEAD wrong!

Yeah smart guys your wrong. Today’s review isn’t a sweet at all in fact it’s a savoury item. I hope I haven’t lost some of you there down to pure shock. Let’s face it with my readership I can hardly afford to lose anyone. Anyway so yes todays review is savoury but don’t worry it’s not healthy that would be a step too far even for me wouldn’t it?

Scorpions are exactly the focal point weirdly.

Today’s item is a bag of poisonous scorpions. No not one of those bush tucker trial things that come out whenever ‘I’m a Celebrity’ comes back on tele. (although I wouldn’t mind eating bugs, just once to try. Twice, if I like it perhaps.) Nope these are crisps in the shape of scorpions, hopefully the poisonous is just an adjective and Mark’s aren’t trying to diminish the population. Although let’s face it as a rather middle class store the way they would do it is through their offers, so they can kill off the ‘riff raff’ like me.

These are described as pickled onion flavoured corn snacks, so essentially monster munch. I do love monster munch especially the pickled onion flavour so when these were on offer I snatched them up with glee. It’s a bit of an odd one though why have they decided that scorpions that are poisonous would best suit pickled onion. Also why is the main picture a mummy instead of you know… a scorpion? Pedantic picking aside let’s move on.

I burst open the bag and I’m instantly met with a strong punch of onion, great sign. Let’s face it if I can’t get this smell out my house in a week it’s a sign they have done their job. Several of my housemates who I was going to offer them to recoiled at the smell. Pickled onion is one of those love it, or hate it things I guess. The smell is pretty damn pungent as one of my friends walked out the room!

The photo doesn't show off how weirdly greenish these are!

The scorpions are quite nicely molded although they are worryingly pale. Monster munch have a nice golden colour to them these are very pale almost like glow in the dark paint. At the thought of this I got excited and thought Mark’s put authentic scorpion detail in and they glow in the dark. Unfortunately when I turned off the lights all I got was confusion as to where my snacks were.

I popped one in my mouth and chewed it well. Unfortunately I was immediately disappointed. These aren’t like Monster Munch; nope these are like the cheap crisps we get in newsagents. I think they are called Space Invaders and cost about thirty pence. These taste exactly like them but were about seven times the price. Yes its’ a bigger bag but not seven times it. They taste rather stale and have nowhere near enough potency for me.

I guess if these things truly are poisonous they probably don’t have enough kick to knock me out let alone kill me. They are crunchy, which is something I guess. It indicates they aren’t past their best. No it suggests they never had a best in the first place!

Overall these are rather disappointing on pretty much every level apart from smell and toxicity. I should have just gone for Monster Munch after all they are practically Halloween themed all year round.

Score

4 out of 11

Found

Mark and Spencer's

Final Thoughts

 I need to get me some authentic Monster Munch as an anti-venom.

Crazy chocolate crispy bites.

 Ten days left people that are all! Ten days until troublesome tomes and wicked witches besieged our doors in search of sweetness. Ten days until I don’t have to review products that is apparently Halloween themed because someone stuck a white sheet on the packaging.

Perhaps this challenge has done something terrible and made me jaded towards festivities. Then again judging how excited I got when I saw Marks and Spencer’s had their Halloween range on three for two perhaps not! Not going to lie I got rather excited. After all I get to try three whole products and save money whilst I do it. So here we are one of the three items I got on offer. Hope you enjoy hearing about them as much as I enjoyed saving money on them!

I don't know if the ghost looks scared or about to chow down

First up we have “Ghostly Bites” wooooooo, these are little blocks of chocolate coated caramel rice crispies. So not very ghostly so far, but wait! On top of the chocolate is sugar coated ghouls, yep that’s what make these different from the range five feet away! Although not complaining too much as I do usually like these cereal bites and extra sugar is never a bad thing.

showcasing those "amazing" sugar ghosts (crucifixes)

The true test is in the taste so let’s try them. I open them up and to my horror (not the good kind) I find that they have been rather stingy on the chocolate. I had assumed that the picture on the front where the bite isn’t completely covered is to display the cereal beneath. Nope, there is literally only chocolate on the top and dribbled down the sides! To give them credit it is a thick layer and is further topped by those famous sugar ghosts. Which incidentally look more like tiny little crucifixes? Pretty much the opposite of what they should be going for then.

I take a bite out of the cereal. It’s actually very nice a great combination of crunchy rice crispies which taste nice and decent and gooey caramel which too is of considerable quality. Perhaps I’ve been a bit too quick to judge these little bites. They taste very similar to Kellogg’s Rice crispie breakfast bars but a bit nicer with caramel instead of marshmallow. Usually when you get store brand breakfast type bites they are lower quality and rather stale. These though taste really fresh and you get a fair few in the tub.

Turtling to demonstrate the lack of chocolate

I try the chocolate next and get a bit disappointed again, it’s not great just the usual cheap milk chocolate. Not quite advent calendar cheap but still more sweetener than milk. Looking at the ingredients it doesn’t surprise me that under the chocolate the first ingredient is sugar. What does surprise me is reference to sweetened condensed milk but have no idea where to find it in the product!  Of course we now move onto the important part, the reason we are all here. The sugar decorations! Yeah their crunchy and taste of sweetness, what were you expecting?

This came out bloody terrifying!!!

Altogether you get a nice mix of crispy caramel taste with a nice cereal afterthought. Initially you get a taste of chocolate; however it’s faint and rather fleeting. The sugar decoration just adds an extra crunch that’s more of a distraction than any helpful addition.

Overall I think I’d rather just buy a Kellogg’s cereal bar next time, there are more varieties of them and they tend to have better chocolate.

Score
7 out of 11

Found
Marks and Spencer's

Final Thoughts
There is also an ingredient called

Candy Blood Bag

I’ve reached a worrying point in this review. I have real concerns that today’s item could do me some serious harm. Perhaps if it does and I do go belly up after consuming this… interesting specimen I’ll be in the ground in enough time to rise again on the big night itself (Halloween). If the worst does happen I hope you, my valued and varied reader knows that I did it for them.

Furthermore I hope someone will pick up my mantle and carry forth the torch o everything I stand for. To be honest it will be a pretty easy task as I stand for very little (I don’t even give up my seat on the train). What could possibly be causing me to have such concerns for my health? Is it worth it? Not really to be honest but in the interest of my self-made challenge when I saw this for as little as a pound I had to purchase. It’s an interesting item to say the least, it’s a blood bag!

To be fair on them they put effort in.

 Before you all throw up your breakfast I’ll point out this is a candy blood bad containing what it claims to be strawberry flavour liquid candy. This is a first for this blog so at least if this challenge item does kill me it has done its job in getting me to try new things. While this looks like a product I wouldn’t trust usually I must commend them on getting into the fun of the festivities. From the packaging to the product itself the thing screams Halloween.

The brand is called Murder Motel, which makes me wonder what they produce the rest of the year. I can’t imagine that one good season can cover them for the entire year. There are a few “hilarious” puns too. It’s apparently owned by DR. Acula, oh as in Dracula. I see what you did there how witty, Oscar Wilde would be green with envy at not thinking this himself. Furthermore it appears to be the blood of victim no. 505 AKA Will B.Back, pure genius clearly. The best joke however is the slight attempt to appear healthy with the proud proclamation that it’s “Fat Free” that’s hilarious. I did notice on the back the notice that “E129 may have an adverse effect on activity and attention in children. OH GOD, WHAT WILL IT DO TO ME THEN!

Yeah, doesn't look too confidence filling

 I can’t put it off any longer and in the interest of science and all things candy blogging I snip the end off and prepare myself. Sucking on the end I watch the gooey substance slowly inch towards my mouth. The build-up and tension is killing me, what the hell is this stuff? Why it is so slow and why am I doing this? Then it hits me!

It tastes about as expected, terrible. Although initially not too bad I thought perhaps I had misjudged it, then realisation comes in. It tastes sickly and sour and way too syrupy, like drinking pure sugar water with some artificial strawberry flavouring added for bad luck. Which I fear is essentially what it is. It gets worse as once it hits your throat it creates a burning sensation. Needless to say this went in the bin quickly and definitely won’t B.Back (see what I did there).

Overall this is terrible but then again I knew it would be. I bought it because it was cheap and I have yet to review anything liquid based. I’m really regretting this decision. Hope you guys appreciated this, because I didn't.

Score

2 out of 11

Found

Halloween section in a newsagents

Final Thoughts

If the Overlook had been named Murder Motel perhaps the shining would have been completely different!

Doughnut Dangers

They say good things come in threes so perhaps todays review will prove this is true. That’s because todays Halloween temptation comes from the bakers doors once again. The baker in question is Gregg’s and after proving me wrong the other day. I decided to tempt fate and be tempted by their monstrous donuts.

Now I’ll confess here, I’m not a fan of donuts. I know, it’s terrible I’m so sorry. As someone who clearly revels in everything sweet you must respect it takes some serious guts to admit to that truth to the world at large. In fact I’ll go so far as to admitting distaste to most things pastry. There’s just something about dough and crusts that disappoint me. I love the fillings however, which puts me in a bit of a quandary. Especially when you factor in the point that often the filling is rather sparse as it’s the most expensive part to make.

His expression says many things scary isn't one of them

After yesterday’s discussion about how I would like to be challenged by you guys to make me step out of the norm, I thought I should compel myself to do so too. This plus the fact that actually these donuts look pretty tasty. Lastly it’s only seventy five pence, can’t go wrong at that price. If it is nice I spied that the doughnut next to it was a banana milkshake one which sounds rather tempting.

One problem I realised straight away is that these are not exactly fresh. As I say I’m not a fan of pastries and about the only time I fancy them is when they are baked fresh and warm. The last donut I had before this was I admit pretty amazing but I think this was more down to the event and the company I was with. Unfortunately this time its wet cold and I’m alone, I should point out I’m just walking to work not like being held hostage although many say it’s pretty much the same thing.

I took a deep bite into this donut straight away, mainly because in experience I’ve found the fillings tend to be rather central so best to get there quick. I was right there was a filling, disappointingly it was just jam. Don’t get me wrong I love jam but considering how the banana one had milkshake in it this is hardly special. To make matters worse the icing on top seems to just be coloured orange icing and provides no actual flavour. It seems we have another case of a company phoning it in a bit for the holidays.

What constitutes a scary chicken?

The dough on the outside is nice but would be much nicer if it was warm and fresh. Also it is a bit stodgy but not too bad considering my expectations I did have for Gregg’s. However next time guys can I get some more jam please. I will probably go back however for the banana shake. I may even review it.

Evidence of the phoning it in from the Gregg’s household was abundant in their windows. Several of their posters depicted their pastries beneath a Halloween pun. Guys just because you put a scarily bad pun above your product don’t make it festive to this hellish holiday.

Overall it wasn’t too bad, bit dull. It was essentially a jam doughnut with some orange icing on top. 

The design was kinda cool but only because the it looks more like the guys constipated or ill, which made me chuckle.

Score

5.5 out of 11

Found

Gregg's the bakers

Final Thoughts

I also want to try Starbucks new product the Duffin (doughnut muffin FYI)

Monster Mash Well Jelly Really I Guess

Ok so far in my Halloween challenge we have had biscuits, chocolate and trepidation. I notice something missing there and in fact something that’s worryingly rare for my blog as a whole. Can you guess what? If not why not go back and read all my posts again, go on you know you want to.

For those of you not wanting to trawl through my blogging archive (I don’t blame you) I’ll give you the answer. My blog is frightfully devoid of all things chewy, it seems that I have rather favoured chocolates above all. So when I saw these monstrously cool looking lollipops I thought what better time to start to chew.

The monster looks a bit uncomfortable, there is a reason for this.

Today’s products are described as marshmallow and jelly decorated lollipops, they are essentially those jelly sweets with the hard icing on top. They don’t exactly appeal too many but in a weird way I find the crunch and taste of the cheap icing rather pleasing. I found two packs of two and an offer that allowed me to justify purchasing both at once happy days are here again folks.

So we have four different beasties here a bat, a witch, Frankenstein’s MONSTER (guys it’s not Frankenstein he’s the scientist!!!) and a mummy. They all look rather cool although the witch looks a bit orange and cheerful to be an evil witch perhaps she’s just a trick or treater. These are actually pretty impressive for their price as each is a different fruit flavour too. Some are a bit devoid of icing the monster particularly is mainly jelly but to be honest the designs are nicely done without it.

Which Witch is which? Hint- The one on the left.

First up I tried the bat, he is the most “frightening” of all four so I thought I’d better kill him off quick. It tasted how I remember these jelly type pops to taste. Rather sugary with a nice squishy texture that melts well and with the icing on top that adds an impressive crunch. I was surprised by how nice the blackcurrant taste is. Not too sugary and not too artificial, a nice balance has been struck. It has been a while since I’ve had these lollys. Perhaps significant developments have gone on in the field. It is after all an essential if we want our society to flourish!

Next up I tried the monster, unfortunately he fell off his stick. However I can’t really blame him the stick had been strategically placed where the sun doesn’t shine. He must have annoyed the moulder somewhat to deserve this cruel and rather unusual punishment. I didn’t have the heart to resign him to the torment and instead bit off his head! He didn’t have any real flavour to him unfortunately to the point where I couldn’t even tell what he was supposed to be. Added to this the lack of icing which seemed to just be his socks meant he was rather dull as dishwater.

Attack bat gets his own photo shoot, blatant favoritism

The witch went next, another good quality fruity jelly. She had a taste of Tangerine weirdly not normal Orange, a bit too sweet perhaps. Not artificially sugary, so still quite nice. She had the most icing too which I relished in. Lastly we had the mummy, the biggest of the lot of them it had a nice design. Although the eyes were a bit odd and looked more like a pig snout. When I bit in I found a nice and subtle Vanilla marshmallow taste which made a nice change from the fruit. Could have been a bit stronger perhaps, but otherwise really nice.

Overall I was impressed by these lollipop offerings especially as they are on offer. My favourite by far was the blackcurrant bat who boasted a nice flavour and good amount of icing. However all were well designed and didn’t have the artificial taste I had expected.

Score

8 out of 11

Found

Tesco's Halloween aisle on offer now!

Final Thoughts

I think all this sugars going to have me bouncing off the castle walls.

Pumpkin Patch Perils

So day three of my self-imposed challenge to only feature Halloween goodies. So far it’s been rather well let’s be honest, rather disappointing. We’ve had gingerbread man lacking in ginger and a round hairy lump that contained Lupin’s green rice balls. Not a great start but perhaps today is going to be different ad if not there’s only around eighteen more to go (sobs).

I picked up this item at the same time as the spider as both were on offer. That’s one good thing so far is that a lot of these items can be found really cheap just because the shops are trying to shift them before Halloweens gone. Shops have an odd relationship with this season I think, they set up an aisle or so two weeks before hand and then tear it down usually the day before. I guess unlike Christmas which pretty much runs for a whole month in advent terms at least, Halloween is literally one day and then it’s over. We’ve yet to welcome it like our American cousins, which is a shame as I happen to enjoy Halloween as much as Christmas.

I think the table cloths the most terrifying thing here

Today’s product is an example of a product rehash like I described in yesterday’s review. It’s a smarties pumpkin, basically a spooky themed Easter egg. It’s a nice idea I think really as at least you’re getting more than just a hollow pumpkin as these contain the tiny little smarties. Let’s not get too fooled however as I say it’s just a rehash of a previous line rushed out for this fleeting festival.

The foil designs nice not much you can say except at least they didn’t tack some cardboard legs on. Although I have to admit that with these cheap seasonal lines I find the foil packaging to be rather lacking. They don’t keep the chocolate fresh and as a result often these lines can taste stale, however it could just be the placebo effect. Just because it looks cheap and is cheap I expect that it should taste cheap too (what a world we live in). After unwrapping her (I use him too much I’ve decided) I was surprised to find that the design carried onto the chocolate itself. Better than yesterday’s review where the design changed slightly and it ended up looking rather scrotal.

She looks so cheerful shame what happens next.

My surprise increased when I cracked her open and found that the smaller smarties are in fact miniscule. Now I haven’t seen mini smarties in ages and I have grown (in size not mentality I fear) but I swear these are even smaller. Also I realise how clichéd that sounds but honestly there is barely anything too them. After trying one I found that they are now mostly sugar shell with not much chocolate inside. The problem with this is that because there is less chocolate all you can really taste it the sugar coat. I try to dissolve the coat first but again because it’s tiny I barely get a taste before it disappears. What I did get of it however tasted really well cheap. Tasting similar to the usual smarties chocolate, but sweeter and definitely less chocolaty.

Next I moved onto the pumpkin shell. The layer of chocolate here too is rather thin and stingy. Clearly Nestle are trying to save costs everywhere. I’ll give extra points to Cadburys Spiders now as they may have been cheap to use cardboard in the gimmick but at least they didn’t scrimp on the chocolate. The thinness of the chocolate again makes it difficult to get any real grasp on the taste. You kinda need to eat it all at once to build up a big enough picture. If you do this I’m afraid you’ll be disappointed in two ways, firstly you will have eaten all your chocolate at once never good. Secondly you’ll discover that it’s that cheap sweetened advent calendar like chocolate. Tasting more of sweetener than of chocolate.

She kept complaining of a splitting headache

 Overall I was disappointed again rather; I guess I shouldn’t complain too much after all I did get them on offer. Essentially this cost me fifty pence and contained quite a few smarties. Just a shame they tasted bad and I had to eat more of them.

Score

4 out of 11

Found

Superdrug (chemist)

Final Thoughts

I'm beginning to think perhaps this challenge is cursed.

Spider sham, spider sham

So another day, another step towards all Hallows eve. The time when those long since past rise up and seek revenge on those who wronged them. The day when the barrier between our world and the other side gets flimsier than a piece of tissue paper soaked in water… evil water. Also one step closer to all saints day, you know that day when we listen to cheesy nineties pop I think.

Yeah anyway so basically it means all that and allows Company’s the chance to resell all their existing brands with a holiday twist. Or release slightly (and in some cases it is really slightly) altered versions of their products. Take today’s offering to the damned we have an example of a slightly new product. They are called Cadburys Crunchy Spider and describe itself as “MILK CHOCOLATE WITH GREEN CRISPED BALLS”. Nope I didn’t accidentally leave caps on that’s how excited they are to describe the product.

Despite their excitement we all know this is just a dairy milk block with some rice puffs coloured green. I’m not complaining there is after all no dairy milk with rice puffs on the market at other times so at least it has something new-ish. I must admit though I think the packaging’s rather lazy the only thing that makes this a spider is the cardboard base, which is rather unnecessary as they could just market it as a generic bad bug. Either way it’s not really blood chilling but I do like the foil art it’s a nice touch, one slightly chilling thing is that it mentions that it may contain lupin. I don’t know what lupin is other than the Harry Potter character and I hope to god he’s not in here! (Turns out it’s a type of pea or something, who knew?)

Found him scuttling on my window sill.

After unwrapping this frightful freak from the foil I found that the chocolate has a design moulded onto it. Seems the laziness extended further than pointless card as its literally some indentations meant to be hair. If I’m honest it makes it seem rather dodgy now that the legs are gone the round shape and design make it look more like a sensitive male body part than a spider. The thought of eating that though is quite scary so perhaps it’s appropriate.

I broke it in half to show the green puffs and found the chocolate to be slightly aerated though this is probably due to green ball addition rather than deliberate. However when I tried some I did find it melted slightly easier much like the bubbly bars. Taste wise it’s the usual dairy milk that we all know and love. The green rice doesn’t do anything to add flavour. Obviously my purchase wasn’t one of them that may have contained lupin. They do add a nice texture though and work nicely if you allow it to melt on your tongue. 

Sorry you can't quite see the green balls in the photo, they are that small.

They stay nice and crunchy too when cheaper puff bars tend to contain puffs that go soggy.

If chewed straight away you kinda miss out on the puffy additions although they are still somewhat detectable. Except like this they kinda feel like the popping candy bars you can get without the excitement of the popping party. Some still stick around even when chewed so actually in this chocolates case chewing allows the best of both worlds.

Overall it’s not very impressive and is just holiday cash in. It would be greatly improved if they bothered to mould the legs too instead of the cardboard addition, still chocolates chocolate right?

Score

6 out of 11

Found

Local newsagents, they are on offer.

Final Thoughts

What disappointments lie in store next post, bet you can't wait.

Ghostly Goings Gone

Its October the spookiest and probably greatest month of them all, to me at least. So to celebrate from this post until November I pledge only to review the most chilling of confectionary.

I'll elaborate slightly on that as I mean chilling in the uneasy sensation sense not the feeling of coldness one gets from a stiff breeze or ice cream. Although A month of reviewing does sound appealing and my love of it would overcome even the harshest of brain freeze and overdosing on dairy. I'd better get back to the point before I go off on a tangent and a trip to the freezer. So anyway Octobers here bringing Ghosts, ghouls and garishly coloured treats and a few tricks I'm sure too. It's not going to be too hard I'm sure to find freakishly themed sweets this month but I'll treat it like a challenge anyway!

The first item in my quest was an impulse buy of the highest order. I went to my local corner shop to buy a simple pen but found something more. As soon as I saw his winning smile and cheeky expression my heart melted much like ummm ice cream (Right it's too much, to the fridge!). I couldn't resist purchasing after all I do love ginger so that alone warranted a purchase.

How could you not be charmed by his expression?

The creators of this gingerbread man clearly don't quite get the concept of Halloween. Not only is this skeleton not terrifying but the box displays his inquisitive and childlike glee through a heart shaped window! I didn't even have high hopes for the taste of this as it does look rather cheaply made, but that’s not what attracted me. The fact that the ridiculous look of the packaging made me laugh was enough to warrant the purchase. Clearly this guy’s relying on his looks to get himself ahead in life (or rather the AFTERlife hahaha).

Let's skip past these frightful puns (sorry!) to get to the review. My fears of quality deficiency were only confirmed when I removed him from the box. He lacked any gingery smell to him or of anything in particular except cardboard. The icing had impressively stayed firmly cemented though the plastic like hardness to it perhaps suggests actual building work went on. I picked a bit off and found it to be tasteless and hard.

If we had smell-o-scope you'd smell cheap cardboard and disappointment

One good thing however is his shape, a good old classic silhouette human shape. There’s something worryingly satisfying about eating human shaped products no matter what guise they take. You can try to hide it but you know you gleefully bite off the heads of jelly babies you monsters! This guys no different and in revenge of the money I may have potentially wasted I ripped off an arm with gay abandon. I then proceed to slap him with it just to get my kicks before chewing.

I'm glad I got that little taste of revenge because it was all the taste I'd be finding. The box exclaims that it is "Oh so... Scrummy" believe me there’s nothing here I would consider scrummy. Bland yes and slightly stale but scrummy no. I may be being a bit harsh gingers one of my favourite flavours, as we saw in my review Here when ginger products are done well I get very happy. It needs to be a very strong fiery ginger to please me. There is no fire on offer here and I soon gave up seems it tastes as it smells, cardboardy. Dunking in tea didn't help and when you find yourself saying that you know there’s an issue.

Childish but it had to be done

The only source of fun I found was by strategically and rather childishly rearranged the icing. At least one of us got excited by this as you can tell from the photo. I soon abandoned it, that’s how bad this tasted folks that I'm not even going to finish it. Hopefully I'll find some use in the realms of baking or he'll end up becoming a permanent resident.

Overall let this be a lesson to all about the dangers of letting your heart rule your wallet and impulse buying. Like me you could end up with and always aroused amputee for a flatmate... who smells like cardboard?

Score
2 out of 11

Found

Local Premier Corner shop

Final Thoughts

He refuses to even contribute to the rent.