The Halloween Hat-trick or treat!

Happy Halloween everyone! Tonight’s the night when the spirits are most restless, rise and seek revenge on the living. So sit back, relax (though not too much don’t want to be grabbed by the ghoulies!) and read these devilishly delectable treats I have assembled for you. Before you begin to wonder yes I may have a trick or two in store for you lucky mortals!

The items before you are possibly the last we will see on here of creepy candy before we bury the dead for another year. By the look of some of the half-arsed attempts this may not be totally bad. I say possibly, because in pursuit of this challenge I may have gone a bit over the top in Halloween prep. I half expect to open my cupboard to be greeted by a goblin chocolate I’ve forgotten about. Hell it’s still sweet so I’ll just eat it and tell you all.

Gloriously green goop a plenty

First up today we have a Cadbury’s cream… sorry SCREAM egg. Hoho Cadbury’s I see what you did there! Basically we have the good old crème egg from Easter but dyed green. I’ve got to admit when they did this for the first time I thought it was pretty clever. Also I get another opportunity to “enjoy” their eggs. Why quotes you ask? I have an odd relationship with Crème eggs I think I like them and find that once I start eating them I regret it immediately. As usual I don’t keep this in mind as I unwrap, and bite off the top. Initially as usual all I get is a nice large chunk of Dairy Milk goodness as the great green goo has slimed its way into the bottom half.

I peer inside and see the green goo in all its gory glory, got to admit it is rather off putting and unsettling seeing the luminous gunge before me. I dig a finger in regardless and try some. Yep the regular rich and overly sweet crème I’ve come to know and love/hate. It’s not bad on its own but when I eat it with the chocolate as intended I feel rather sickly and in need of a lie down. Hopefully I haven’t been poisoned and Cadbury’s charged with murder most foul!

Eeeeewwww it's like some kind of plant thing!

I feel the effects waning and prepare myself for the next item and I have to admit I am not looking forward to this one. Weirdly it’s an item I’ve always wanted to try but in the example I have before me I have little confidence. I found this chocolate coated apple in a petrol station, cause enough for health concerns when it comes to food alone. However this item also doesn’t have any information on the packaging… Not even an expiry date, which technically is illegal.

 

                                                         Look at the scaredey cat

Remember folks if this kills me take solace that I died on this day of all days and that I did it for you. Well not entirely my compulsion with candy spurred me on a little but if it gets you through the grief I did it for you! I take a bite and wow was I right! The chocolate is cheap and tasteless with a greasy texture, and the apple beneath is worse! It’s clearly been beaten and abused prior to dipping as it’s so soft and mulchy I wouldn’t be surprised to find a maggot or two in my mouth now. Worst of all I think is the fact that underneath all this chocolate is something that could have been considered healthy. That is something that definitely has no place here on this blog. Or does it?

                                                    What kind of Witches hat is... healthy

Here it is folks then, the trick in this tales tail. The last item of the Halloween challenge! What could it be? It’s a cabbage, A CABBAGE! Surely some curse has befallen me, nope it’s a cabbage. To be precise it’s called a Witch’s hat cabbage. Basically a purple conical cabbage, now I don’t go near veg often so have no idea how to approach this … thing. I break a leaf of and try, with its weird earthy taste I screw my face up in disgust. I did boil it as you are supposed to and got an interesting result.

The cabbage turned the water a cool bluey purple hue which was great except it also changed the colour of the pasta I had included. The result was a rather appropriate for Halloween dinner of pumpkin pasta. I still had almost a whole head left so decided to try dipping it in random assortments. My favourites were good old fashioned sugar and the old reliable peanut butter. Rely on Roy to take the healthy and put it on its head… of cabbage. Hope you enjoyed my Halloween trials now their over I can continue my quest to try weird candies and not the usual stuff with a scary theme.

Score
Scream Egg- 4 out of 11
Apple- 2 out of 11
Cabbage- 7 out of 11

Found
Sainsbury's supermarket and a random petrol station!

Final Thoughts
Only on Halloween could a vegetable come out on top on this blog!
 

 

Poisonous Scorpions

Can you guess what todays review is. Regular readers will know it’s likely to be Halloween themed due to myself made Halloween challenge. Essentially I have been grabbing any and all Halloween tat I can find to get into the festivities. Really regular readers will have their suspicions that its product two of the Marks and Spencer offer I took advantage of. Lastly all of you will be expecting me to be reviewing something sugary and sweet right? Well you’re DEAD wrong!

Yeah smart guys your wrong. Today’s review isn’t a sweet at all in fact it’s a savoury item. I hope I haven’t lost some of you there down to pure shock. Let’s face it with my readership I can hardly afford to lose anyone. Anyway so yes todays review is savoury but don’t worry it’s not healthy that would be a step too far even for me wouldn’t it?

Scorpions are exactly the focal point weirdly.

Today’s item is a bag of poisonous scorpions. No not one of those bush tucker trial things that come out whenever ‘I’m a Celebrity’ comes back on tele. (although I wouldn’t mind eating bugs, just once to try. Twice, if I like it perhaps.) Nope these are crisps in the shape of scorpions, hopefully the poisonous is just an adjective and Mark’s aren’t trying to diminish the population. Although let’s face it as a rather middle class store the way they would do it is through their offers, so they can kill off the ‘riff raff’ like me.

These are described as pickled onion flavoured corn snacks, so essentially monster munch. I do love monster munch especially the pickled onion flavour so when these were on offer I snatched them up with glee. It’s a bit of an odd one though why have they decided that scorpions that are poisonous would best suit pickled onion. Also why is the main picture a mummy instead of you know… a scorpion? Pedantic picking aside let’s move on.

I burst open the bag and I’m instantly met with a strong punch of onion, great sign. Let’s face it if I can’t get this smell out my house in a week it’s a sign they have done their job. Several of my housemates who I was going to offer them to recoiled at the smell. Pickled onion is one of those love it, or hate it things I guess. The smell is pretty damn pungent as one of my friends walked out the room!

The photo doesn't show off how weirdly greenish these are!

The scorpions are quite nicely molded although they are worryingly pale. Monster munch have a nice golden colour to them these are very pale almost like glow in the dark paint. At the thought of this I got excited and thought Mark’s put authentic scorpion detail in and they glow in the dark. Unfortunately when I turned off the lights all I got was confusion as to where my snacks were.

I popped one in my mouth and chewed it well. Unfortunately I was immediately disappointed. These aren’t like Monster Munch; nope these are like the cheap crisps we get in newsagents. I think they are called Space Invaders and cost about thirty pence. These taste exactly like them but were about seven times the price. Yes its’ a bigger bag but not seven times it. They taste rather stale and have nowhere near enough potency for me.

I guess if these things truly are poisonous they probably don’t have enough kick to knock me out let alone kill me. They are crunchy, which is something I guess. It indicates they aren’t past their best. No it suggests they never had a best in the first place!

Overall these are rather disappointing on pretty much every level apart from smell and toxicity. I should have just gone for Monster Munch after all they are practically Halloween themed all year round.

Score

4 out of 11

Found

Mark and Spencer's

Final Thoughts

 I need to get me some authentic Monster Munch as an anti-venom.

Candy Blood Bag

I’ve reached a worrying point in this review. I have real concerns that today’s item could do me some serious harm. Perhaps if it does and I do go belly up after consuming this… interesting specimen I’ll be in the ground in enough time to rise again on the big night itself (Halloween). If the worst does happen I hope you, my valued and varied reader knows that I did it for them.

Furthermore I hope someone will pick up my mantle and carry forth the torch o everything I stand for. To be honest it will be a pretty easy task as I stand for very little (I don’t even give up my seat on the train). What could possibly be causing me to have such concerns for my health? Is it worth it? Not really to be honest but in the interest of my self-made challenge when I saw this for as little as a pound I had to purchase. It’s an interesting item to say the least, it’s a blood bag!

To be fair on them they put effort in.

 Before you all throw up your breakfast I’ll point out this is a candy blood bad containing what it claims to be strawberry flavour liquid candy. This is a first for this blog so at least if this challenge item does kill me it has done its job in getting me to try new things. While this looks like a product I wouldn’t trust usually I must commend them on getting into the fun of the festivities. From the packaging to the product itself the thing screams Halloween.

The brand is called Murder Motel, which makes me wonder what they produce the rest of the year. I can’t imagine that one good season can cover them for the entire year. There are a few “hilarious” puns too. It’s apparently owned by DR. Acula, oh as in Dracula. I see what you did there how witty, Oscar Wilde would be green with envy at not thinking this himself. Furthermore it appears to be the blood of victim no. 505 AKA Will B.Back, pure genius clearly. The best joke however is the slight attempt to appear healthy with the proud proclamation that it’s “Fat Free” that’s hilarious. I did notice on the back the notice that “E129 may have an adverse effect on activity and attention in children. OH GOD, WHAT WILL IT DO TO ME THEN!

Yeah, doesn't look too confidence filling

 I can’t put it off any longer and in the interest of science and all things candy blogging I snip the end off and prepare myself. Sucking on the end I watch the gooey substance slowly inch towards my mouth. The build-up and tension is killing me, what the hell is this stuff? Why it is so slow and why am I doing this? Then it hits me!

It tastes about as expected, terrible. Although initially not too bad I thought perhaps I had misjudged it, then realisation comes in. It tastes sickly and sour and way too syrupy, like drinking pure sugar water with some artificial strawberry flavouring added for bad luck. Which I fear is essentially what it is. It gets worse as once it hits your throat it creates a burning sensation. Needless to say this went in the bin quickly and definitely won’t B.Back (see what I did there).

Overall this is terrible but then again I knew it would be. I bought it because it was cheap and I have yet to review anything liquid based. I’m really regretting this decision. Hope you guys appreciated this, because I didn't.

Score

2 out of 11

Found

Halloween section in a newsagents

Final Thoughts

If the Overlook had been named Murder Motel perhaps the shining would have been completely different!