Wednesday, 23 October 2013

Poisonous Scorpions

Can you guess what todays review is. Regular readers will know it’s likely to be Halloween themed due to myself made Halloween challenge. Essentially I have been grabbing any and all Halloween tat I can find to get into the festivities. Really regular readers will have their suspicions that its product two of the Marks and Spencer offer I took advantage of. Lastly all of you will be expecting me to be reviewing something sugary and sweet right? Well you’re DEAD wrong!

Yeah smart guys your wrong. Today’s review isn’t a sweet at all in fact it’s a savoury item. I hope I haven’t lost some of you there down to pure shock. Let’s face it with my readership I can hardly afford to lose anyone. Anyway so yes todays review is savoury but don’t worry it’s not healthy that would be a step too far even for me wouldn’t it?

Scorpions are exactly the focal point weirdly.
Today’s item is a bag of poisonous scorpions. No not one of those bush tucker trial things that come out whenever ‘I’m a Celebrity’ comes back on tele. (although I wouldn’t mind eating bugs, just once to try. Twice, if I like it perhaps.) Nope these are crisps in the shape of scorpions, hopefully the poisonous is just an adjective and Mark’s aren’t trying to diminish the population. Although let’s face it as a rather middle class store the way they would do it is through their offers, so they can kill off the ‘riff raff’ like me.

These are described as pickled onion flavoured corn snacks, so essentially monster munch. I do love monster munch especially the pickled onion flavour so when these were on offer I snatched them up with glee. It’s a bit of an odd one though why have they decided that scorpions that are poisonous would best suit pickled onion. Also why is the main picture a mummy instead of you know… a scorpion? Pedantic picking aside let’s move on.

I burst open the bag and I’m instantly met with a strong punch of onion, great sign. Let’s face it if I can’t get this smell out my house in a week it’s a sign they have done their job. Several of my housemates who I was going to offer them to recoiled at the smell. Pickled onion is one of those love it, or hate it things I guess. The smell is pretty damn pungent as one of my friends walked out the room!

The photo doesn't show off how weirdly greenish these are!
The scorpions are quite nicely molded although they are worryingly pale. Monster munch have a nice golden colour to them these are very pale almost like glow in the dark paint. At the thought of this I got excited and thought Mark’s put authentic scorpion detail in and they glow in the dark. Unfortunately when I turned off the lights all I got was confusion as to where my snacks were.

I popped one in my mouth and chewed it well. Unfortunately I was immediately disappointed. These aren’t like Monster Munch; nope these are like the cheap crisps we get in newsagents. I think they are called Space Invaders and cost about thirty pence. These taste exactly like them but were about seven times the price. Yes its’ a bigger bag but not seven times it. They taste rather stale and have nowhere near enough potency for me.

I guess if these things truly are poisonous they probably don’t have enough kick to knock me out let alone kill me. They are crunchy, which is something I guess. It indicates they aren’t past their best. No it suggests they never had a best in the first place!

Overall these are rather disappointing on pretty much every level apart from smell and toxicity. I should have just gone for Monster Munch after all they are practically Halloween themed all year round.

4 out of 11

Mark and Spencer's

Final Thoughts
 I need to get me some authentic Monster Munch as an anti-venom.

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