Wednesday, 23 October 2013

How to really phone it in!

No need to fret folks we are back to normal as of today. Ok so not normal, and not really right back to normal just kinda not like yesterday. I mean I could never truly be normal could I? Also what is normality anyway? Surely it’s subjective and we should all stop finding that perfect normal. Maybe I’m rambling on an odd tangent for a sweet blog. Maybe I kinda like it.

Anyway, to explain oneself. By back to normal I mean back to sweets, unlike yesterday when we had a savoury experience. Of course I’m also not completely back to normal just yet as it still isn’t Halloween which means there’s plenty more Halloween stuff to scour through. Todays review also isn’t back to Marks and Spencer’s territory, I’ll save the last product for a few days.
Somethings not quite right here
There is a reason for this although don’t start thinking it’s to raise tension and that there’s some big payoff. No that comes with the final post where I have a big surprise for you all on the wicked night itself. I bet you can’t wait! If that thought has got you excited and wetting yourself then I’m sorry. Sorry but you need to get out more and while your there buy some adult diapers.

Geez another tangent, time I got on with the review. Anyway today we have a Halloween themed version of a product that not long came out over here in Blighty. Maynard’s Sour patch Kidz have really only been around for under a year I think. They have proved quite popular and at one point all the shops in my area had sold out. Already we have had additions to the line in the form of Soda Popz, now we have Heads and bodies for October’s festive period.

Somehow I think sour should be in inverted commas
Basically they are the same as usual except the heads have been cut off these patch kidz. It’s no wonder their sour then ‘haha great pun there!’ I hear you roar. Rather disappointedly is that in losing their head they have also somehow lost their range of flavours? As these Halloween themed offerings only come in blackcurrant and orange flavour. Further disappointment came to me because my bag was lacking in blackcurrant heads. In fact I had only two blackcurrant pieces in the whole bag! Somehow to avoid opening the racism door we should move on quickly and not dwell.

I popped one of the abundant orange pieces in my gob and was struck immediately. Not however as you’d imagine by how sour they were, no my face didn’t twist into an unearthly shape. As there is literally hardly any sourness on offer here what so ever. The sour coating melts away in seconds and has nowhere near the punch of the regular range. The orange underneath was very strong too which didn’t help as it overpowered any tastes that preceeded it. It didn’t have the old artificial sweetener taste which is a bonus, however it still didn’t taste like orange. More like undiluted orange squash, in a rather unpleasant burns your mouth kind of way.

Had to make Popcorn cake to cheer myself up
I moved on once the flavour had gone (about four days later) to try one of the blackcurrant pieces. Again the sour coating dissolves in seconds and you barely notice it’s been. The blackcurrant itself is thankfully a little less powerful than the orange so it doesn’t blow your head off. Again doesn’t actually taste of natural blackcurrant more like how a stepford wife version would taste of. Perfect in every way and therein lies the problem.

These are rather disappointing on several levels. Firstly, only two flavours on offer. Really they could have had the usual range at least. Not only are they phoning it in for Halloween here, they are phoning in sick and not even fake coughing! Secondly what has happened to the sour coating? The regular varieties while not amazingly sour like Toxic Waste do at least have some kick in them. Lastly I kinda feel like taking the heads off deprives us all of the rather guilty pleasure we all share in eating humanoid food. Biting the heads off! I had to settle for gnawing on a leg!

Overall this is a rather poor effort for a range that was showing promise. Let’s hope it’s only a temporary setback and we don’t end up with Santa shapes in only cherry for Christmas.

5 out of 11

Local Co-Operative shop, but they are everywhere.

Final Thoughts
Why are the heads so enlarged too? What happened prior to separation?

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